SoutheastPsych Blog

10 Things to Discuss Before Marriage

2010-12-14T08:02:00.005-05:00

Marriage is one of the most wonderful life experiences that two people can share. However, a great marriage is based on much more than just love. Below are ten important things for a couple to discuss before deciding to tie the knot. Matching or being similar in these areas will make wedded bliss more likely.

1. Life goals

2. Spending/saving personalities

3. Physical activity/energy level

4. Children & Family

5. Intellectual & Cultural interests

6. Vocational interests/work ethic

7. Friends

8. Religion/ Spiritual interests

9. Communication skills and styles

10. Roles and expectations

Awesome New Resource for Kids with Asperger's

2010-11-29T08:00:00.003-05:00

Southeast Psych's own Frank Gaskill ("Dr. G") and University of South Carolina doctoral student Ryan Kelly have completed work on Max Gamer, a graphic novel about a boy with Asperger’s Syndrome who uses his special abilities to become a superhero.

The graphic novel is the first in a series of Max Gamer books, all intended to promote a positive view of Asperger’s. While those with Asperger’s—or “Aspies”—are the main target audience for the series, Dr. G. believes anyone interested in superheroes or those with special abilities will enjoy the books. “Max Gamer has special abilities, but rather than having them become burdens, they become ways to help himself and other people around him. He’s awesome, just like most Aspies I know are awesome.”

Dr. Temple Grandin, the internationally-known autism pioneer, said of Max Gamer, “This comic would have helped me when I was a teenager who was being teased.” She added, “I think it will help the smart Aspie kids to feel proud of themselves.”

Published by Hero House, a division of Southeast Psych, Max Gamer is available starting tomorrow through MaxGamerOnline.com. Check it the website to see the making of Max Gamer and a great Aspie blog.

New Moms Need Love, Too

2010-11-07T21:33:00.000-05:00

by Dr. Barrie Morganstein

As a new mom, I am learning firsthand how hard it is to take care of a baby and take care of myself (not to mention also taking care of a husband and a dog). I have always been notoriously bad at getting to bed at a reasonable hour and my baby’s arrival has made it even worse. With our little bundles depending on us, our good health is even more important; here are some things that new moms can do to manage stress and feel good:

· Get out of the house. After my baby was born, I stayed in the house a lot. Although I needed the rest and recuperation, I definitely found myself going stir-crazy. Getting out of the house -- whether its outside for fresh air or to the mall -- will do a lot to lift your spirits and invigorate you.

· Get some exercise. As hard as it is to get up off the couch and as tired as you are, get moving. Walking slowly on the treadmill, doing a light yoga class, or even just stretching in your living room, moving your body will make you feel better physically and mentally.

· Keep in contact with friends. It can be helpful to speak to your friends and commiserate about your new parenting trials and tribulations. However, it can be just as helpful to simply talk about girl-stuff. Being a mom is just one of our many roles, so we may find pleasure in discussing things other than the kids (such as what happened on The Real Housewives of New York).

· Don’t be afraid to say “no”. We often try to be superheroes and take on too many obligations. The added strain and fatigue that comes with baby care makes you more vulnerable to stress and emotional overload. Nicely explain to others why you are not able to take on a certain project – supportive people will understand.

· Ask for help. Women are capable of a lot, but even Wonder Woman had a sidekick (not to mention help from the rest of the Justice League). Don’t be afraid to ask your Superman for help with whatever you need, whether it be baby’s bedtime, laundry, bills, etc.

· Remind yourself what a great job you are doing. We are often our worst critics; chances are you are not only keeping up with your new babe, but excelling in your new role.

· Get help if you need it. If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed, talk to someone. Let your significant other, family member, or friends, know that you need some extra encouragement. A psychologist or counselor can also be a valuable addition to your support-network.

Dr. Barrie Morganstein is a psychologist and new mom at Southeast Psych. You can contact her at 704-552-0116.

Can You Hear Me Now? The Basics of Central Auditory Processing Disorders

2010-11-01T08:07:00.001-04:00

by Dr. Barrie Morganstein

Central Auditory Processing Disorders (CAPD) is a learning disability that is not very well known and is often under-diagnosed and misdiagnosed. CAPD is also confusing because there are many signs and symptoms that are often attributed to other disorders, especially Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or severe anxiety. Below are some of the most common signs that can suggest CAPD. An individual with CAPD may…

have poor expressive or receptive language
have difficulty with reading comprehension, spelling, vocabulary, and/or foreign languages
have difficulty following long conversations
have difficulty following verbal directions, especially when involving multi-step directions
need extra time processing information
have decreased comprehension in noisy environments
have difficulty with phonics or speech sounds
talk less than peers
“tune out” or seem to be in a “world of her own”
be less social because of comprehension problems

It is very easy to determine the presence of CAPD. Many audiologists are trained to identify CAPD. It is also very important to consider having a psycho-educational assessment completed by a psychologist to rule out the presence of other issues (e.g., ADHD, anxiety, other learning disabilities, etc.). These professionals are also likely to help you determine the best approaches for intervention. Some excellent books about CAPD are When the Brain Can’t Hear: Unraveling the Mystery of Auditory Processing Disorder – Teri J. Bellis, Ph.D. and Like Sound Through Water: A Mother’s Journey Through Auditory Processing Disorder by Karen J. Foli & Edward M. Hallowell.

Dr. Barrie Morganstein is a psychologist at Southeast Psych who sees a wide range of clients and has a specialty in the assessment and treatment of central auditory processing disorders.

Parenting Stress: How to Take Care of Yourself

2010-10-13T08:07:00.017-04:00

by Dr. Amanda McGough

You know the saying, “If mama isn’t happy then nobody is happy.” There is some truth to this old adage and it applies to fathers too. It’s easy for parents to focus all of their attention and energy on their children and family and neglect to take care of themselves. However taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your family. It’s a lot like the emergency landing instructions that you get on airplanes. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first in order to be able to help others. Here are some tips for taking care of yourself.

1) Do one thing every day that makes you happy. You deserve and need time for your own enjoyment. Carve out at least 15 to 30 minutes a day where you are doing something that you enjoy that’s just for you.

2) Know your limits and stick to them. It is okay to multitask sometimes, but we also need to know when enough is enough. Cut back on things that aren’t necessary and make your life more manageable.

3) Practice what you preach. You help your kids eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep, encourage them to be physically active and take care of any illnesses they have. You need to take care of your physical needs as well. Poor nutrition, sleep deprivation, lack of physical activity and illness are all vulnerability factors to stress.

4) Put things in perspective. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day and think that everything is important. Step back and take a look at what really matters to you. This will help you let go of little stressors and annoyances and instead focus on the big picture.

5) Remember you are a role model. By taking good care of yourself and managing your own stress you are setting a positive example for your children. Good self-care brings happiness to the whole family.

Dr. Amanda McGough is a licensed psychologist with Southeast Psych in Charlotte. She treats children, adolescents and adults.

Is Recovery From an Eating Disorder Possible?

2010-10-04T07:55:00.002-04:00

by Heidi Limbrunner, Psy.D., ABPP

In working with families that have a loved one struggling with an eating disorder, one of the most common questions asked is about recovery. Can a person truly recover?

The short answer to this question is: Yes, a person can fully recover with appropriate treatment. Research has demonstrated that while some people may struggle lifelong with an eating disorder, a majority of people can make a full recovery.

Here are four factors that can help lead to a full recovery:

1. Early Detection. Like other illnesses, the sooner a person begins treatment, the better likelihood of recovery. The longer a person engages in eating disorder symptoms, the more difficult the recovery can be.

2. Treatment Team Approach. Since eating disorders are complex illnesses that involve both medical and psychological issues, treatment should involve a therapist, physician and dietician. All of your care providers should have experience in treating eating disorders.

3. Type of Therapy. There are many different types of therapy for eating disorders. Choosing a therapy supported by research promotes the best chance for recovery. For children and teens, this therapy is called Family Based Treatment or the Maudsley Method. For adults, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the treatment of choice.

4. Appropriate Level of Care. It’s imperative that a person receive care at the most appropriate level based upon their symptoms. This can be outpatient, day treatment or inpatient care. Your treatment providers should help you determine which level is appropriate.

Intervening early with a treatment team approach using a proven and research-supported therapy model at the appropriate level of care increases a person's chances of a full recovery from an eating disorder.

Dr. Heidi Limbrunner is a licensed psychologist with Southeast Psych in Charlotte. She specializes in the treatment of eating disorders. You can contact her at 704-970-4791.

Sports Injuries Don’t Just Hurt the Body

2010-09-27T07:54:00.001-04:00

by Dr. Nyaka Niilampti

Most of us who play a sport consider “athlete” as one aspect of our identity. How important playing a sport is to us can greatly affect how we deal with an injury. While healing the body is important, the injury to our identity as an athlete can be equally significant. Some of the possible psychological impacts of sport injuries include:

Temporary loss of identity: Many athletes connect the way people view them (popularity, respect) to their role in sport. During the rehabilitation process, there may be a constant comparison to things that they could do, and the way that others used to view them. These negative thoughts may work against them in their efforts to heal the body.

Feelings of isolation and being left out: Athletics presents an important social role, and as a result, injured athletes may feel left out of the interaction with teammates, both competitively and informally. This loss may be as significant as what we would consider a true “loss” such that a grieving process may take place. This will be especially true in the situation of a career ending injury.

Decrease in self-esteem: For many athletes, self-esteem is connected to performance ability and achievement. Injury for some athletes may have a significant impact on self-image and long term goal achievement. This decrease in self-esteem may carry over into academic performance and personal relationships.

Depending on the severity of the injury, other possible psychological impacts include anger, guilt, post-traumatic stress disorder, helplessness, and depression. Each of these concerns may contribute to an athletes’ ability to recover well and return to post injury performance, which again can result in depressive symptoms and repeat the psychological pattern.

Here are a few things that parents and coaches can do to help injured athletes heal their minds.

* Help athletes to acknowledge and recognize the trauma and loss that has occurred, and provide support as they experience the grieving process. Athletes (and even coaches) sometimes engage in denial regarding the true impact of a sports injury. This denial can result in additional injuries or negative psychological impacts.

* Provide encouragement and support during the rehabilitation process. Due to many of the psychological impacts of sport injury, athletes may not be as motivated to engage in the rehab process. Providing support and acknowledging the barriers may be helpful.

* Normalize their experiences of fear of re-injury. Athletes may be apprehensive to express their concerns and fears. Allow them to recognize that fear is a normal reaction, and that they are not alone in that experience.

* Particularly for career-ending injuries, help athletes re-orient to alternative options. Many athletes, particularly those who have been playing sports since early childhood, have not had the opportunity to fully develop other identities and options. Exposing them to those possibilities is important in helping them to feel as though they have a path and some direction.

* Finally, some athletes have such a difficult experience following a sport injury that counseling or professional support may be necessary. Keep an eye out for signs of more significant psychological concerns such as increased isolation, poor concentration, changes in appetite, and feelings of hopeless or worthlessness. These signs indicate that there is a need to go beyond the training room in the healing process.

Dr. Nyaka Niilampti is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych with a Ph.D. in counseling psychology and a master's in sports psychology. She sees clients of all ages and specializes in performance enhancement, relationship concerns, diversity issues, and the treatment of anxiety and depression. She can be contacted at 704-552-0116.

Helping Your Teen Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

2010-09-13T08:00:00.011-04:00

by Dr. Amanda McGough

Many of us know, or remember from our own teen years, that being a teenager isn’t easy. Developmentally, adolescence is a time of growing independence, developing a sense of self, learning to navigate social relationships, and increasing responsibility. On top of these developmental tasks, teens face pressures from school, peers and family responsibilities. Teens can be under a significant amount of stress and that requires them to find ways to cope.

Some teens may lack adequate coping skills, which leads to trying to cope with their stress in unhealthy, even harmful ways. For example, they may have difficulties with self-injurious and life-threatening behaviors, suicidal ideation, poor impulse control, running away, stealing, lying, low frustration tolerance, interpersonal conflict, poor sense of self, high-risk sexualized behaviors, disordered eating, and substance abuse.

However, the problems that teens face can be successfully navigated if they have healthy coping skills and support from caring adults. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of therapy that has been widely researched for approximately 30 years. It has proven to be effective in helping teens to reduce risky behaviors, manage emotions more effectively, create a more balanced life, and improve the overall quality of life.

What coping skills can DBT teach your teen? DBT focuses on skills in five main areas:

1) Mindfulness: Learning how to be focused in the present moment, how to balance emotions with rational thought and how to do what is effective in the moment.

2) Distress Tolerance: Developing skills to help teens cope with stress in healthy ways through distraction, self-soothing and looking at the pros versus cons of choices in each situation.

3) Emotion Regulation: Helping teens better understand emotions, reduce the intensity of their emotions, and learn how to ride the wave of emotions without acting out on them.

4) Interpersonal Effectiveness: Developing strong relationship skills, learning how to communicate and listen in a way that is respectful towards others and themselves, learning how to say no, how to deal with difficult people and how to repair relationships.

5) Walking the Middle Path: Learning how to validate one’s self and others, how to find the kernel of truth in different points of view, create a more balanced way of thinking and living, and how to reinforce behaviors in both self and others.

Learning effective, healthy coping skills now can benefit teens in their present life and in the future.

Dr. Amanda McGough is a psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in using DBT.

Top 10 Things that Make for a Stellar Psycho-Educational Assessment

2010-09-07T08:05:00.000-04:00

by Dr. Kyra Grosman

As kids head back to school, we start to notice some struggle to learn more than others. Parents who take a closer look can make a big difference in the childrens’ education. Psychologists can give parents peace of mind through a psycho-educational assessment to help figure out why a little boy or girl is struggling in school. Such assessments or “testing” can help kids learn more effectively.

Not all assessments are equal. A good assessment should do the following:

1) Provide a neurodevelopmental profile, and not a label. Just giving a child a label is not helpful. It’s too easy to say that a child who struggles with reading has a Reading Disorder. That label doesn’t really tell us why the child has difficulty in that area. It’s really more important to figure out why he or she is struggling in a particular area. Is reading difficult for a learner because of weak active working memory (the size of a person’s mental desk) or because they struggle with phonological processing (oral language function involving identifying, distinguishing, and manipulating the individual sounds in words)? Obviously, different learning profiles are going to be helped by different strategies which should be designed by a good assessment.

2) Must include strengths as well as weaknesses. Too many kids who struggle in school don’t get to hear enough about the awesome tasks they can complete. These strengths need to be incorporated into the feedback session, so kids, parents, and teachers have a realistic sense of hope.

3) Assessments should incorporate multiple sources of information. They should include a broad range of qualitative information (review of work samples, interview with students, information gleaned from discussion with parents and teachers), integrated with quantitative information (such as one gets from psycho-educational tests). The person writing the report must look for a pattern of strengths and weaknesses that emerge across several tests.

4) The feedback provided should give both you and your child a much clearer understanding of what’s causing his or her difficulties in school. Students need to be given age-appropriate feedback about how they learn.

5) Must include specific learning strategies based on each child’s individual profile. This should include a customized learning plan. Avoid clinicians who provide boiler plate learning plans. If they’re giving boiler plate learning plans, they’re probably not really understanding the unique aspects of your child, and they’re not helping you, either.

6) The feedback must connect neurodevelopmental function and academic skills. It should explain why Johnny can’t read and why he’s so good at math.

7) For public school children, assessment should not be so focused on determining eligibility for services that the child’s profile isn’t revealed.

8) The process of assessment should be an ongoing process of consultation. The goal is to find strategies for better success. There’s the need for on-going follow-up and tweaking of strategies as needed. Your assessor should be available to help you with this process and make sure that you, your child, and the school stay on track.

9) It’s great when the assessor can provide feedback directly with the child’s school—their teachers, learning support teachers, school psychologist, etc. This helps ensure that everybody is on the same page and allows for brainstorming what is feasable within a particular school.

10) Prioritization of weaknesses. If a child has several weak areas, it can be overwhelming to try to address them all. A good assessment should let you know what are the really important areas to address first.

And another for good measure...Make sure the report has clear explanation of the technical jargon. It's especially helpful if it uses metaphors to help explain the concepts.

Dr. Kyra Grosman is on staff at Southeast Psych and we think she does stellar psycho-educational assessments. She also sees clients for therapy for a range of issues.

The Problem of Perfectionism: Part 2

2010-07-26T08:02:00.001-04:00

by Nyaka Niilampti, Ph.D.

Last week, I talked about the problem of perfectionism and this week, I want to give you some practical tools for overcoming it. There are a number of ways to begin to break the cycle of perfectionism:

· Knowing is half the battle: If you find yourself identifying with some of these symptoms, that’s the first step. Awareness is necessary in order to begin to change.

· Stop worrying and start doing: Many times, it is taking that first small step that seems to be an insurmountable task. Usually, once a task is started, much of the anxiety and worry decreases.

· Start small: Break the task into “bite size” pieces. This will actually help you to “stop worrying and start doing”, and makes the task as a whole more manageable and less overwhelming. If your challenge is beginning, convince yourself to sit down for 20 minutes rather than the entire three hours that the task will take to complete.

· Encourage acceptance of limitations, performance, and mistakes: Perfection is an impossible goal. There will always be areas of possible improvement, and there will be days when “good enough” is often “more than okay”.

· Be mindful of the conversations in your head: Our self-talk contributes to anxiety and depression and the internal drive for perfection more than we often realize. If the discussions in your head suggest that your entire self-worth (or my future, etc.) is based on how well you complete a task, your internal dialogue needs to be adjusted.

· Ask yourself, “Is it worth this amount of effort?”: Put your tasks into perspective. Is the paper that may be worth 10% of my grade really worth the significant number of hours I have already put into it? The effort put out should match the significance of the task at hand.

· Increase mindfulness: Finally, there is a great deal of talk about the benefits of mindfulness. Mindfulness allows us to be present and in the moment, less worried about yesterday (and the mistakes of the past) and tomorrow (and the fears about what may or may not happen). Being mindful will allow you to focus on the process rather than the outcome. Increasing mindfulness will help you begin, accept your limitations, and enjoy the process.

Perfectionism at it’s best may help you get the job done…eventually…but at it’s worst can contribute to depression, anxiety, and failure, and make the process of completing even a simple task much more difficult than it needs to be.

Dr. Nyaka Niilampti is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in performance enhancement, as well as the treatment of anxiety and depression in teens and adults.

The Problem of Perfectionism: Part 1

2010-07-19T08:04:00.001-04:00

by Nyaka Niilampti, Ph.D.

Today’s society continues to demand increasingly high standards in virtually every arena. Unfortunately, we often interpret “achieving excellence” as “it must be perfect”. While maintaining a high standard is important, when it becomes confused with perfectionism it actually fails to lead to the desired consequences of success. The idea of achieving perfection is a goal that is impossible to meet, and the more we demand perfection from ourselves, the more the “finish line” moves, and the more overwhelming the task becomes.

It can be difficult to find the line between ‘perfectionism’ and ‘excellence’, and healthy motivation and striving. Burns (1980) defines a perfectionist as someone “whose standards are beyond reach or reason”, and “who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment”. For perfectionists, thoughts and behaviors may be maintained by a number of factors, including fear of failure, inadequacy, or fear of disapproval and disappointing others. One way of locating that line is by asking yourself: (1) Is my goal attainable? (2) Are my beliefs in my ability to do this accurate? (3) Am I able to adjust my standards when necessary?

Perfectionism may look different in different individuals. For some, it is the attitude that “I’ll do it by myself…because no one will be able to do it as well as I can”. Other individuals may not take risks or try new things because they may not be good at it, while others become chronic procrastinators. Perfectionism may also look like overcompensating, excessive checking and seeking reassurance from others, difficulties making decisions, and avoidance of some activities and situations all together. The struggle to be perfect makes it difficult to recover from mistakes, and often leads to social and performance anxiety, depression, anger, and/or low motivation. It can also contribute to body image problems and eating disorders.

Next week, I'll give you seven ways to break the cycle of perfectionism.

Dr. Nyaka Niilampti is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in performance enhancement, as well as the treatment of anxiety and depression in teens and adults.

The Importance of Early Diagnosis for Autism

2010-07-01T08:04:00.002-04:00

by Lauren King, Psy.D.

1 in 110 children have Autism based on a report in December of 2009 (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.) Currently there is not a single known cause for Autism, although many theories are being investigated. Additionally, there is not a “cure” for Autism at the present time. Early intervention and diagnosis are the best tools at our disposal. Research reveals repeatedly that early treatment for Autism makes the biggest difference. When therapy is introduced at an early age, due to the brain’s plasticity (ability to change), the child is likely to progress more than if their therapy starts at a later age.

Obviously, no matter what the age, children can still change and make progress. The issue is really that we now know the earlier the therapy, the more likely it is to have a large impact on the child’s life. For example, research shows that children who are provided intervention before 3-years-old are impacted more than children provided therapy after 5-years-old (Harris & Handleman, 2000). Research also consistently shows that diagnosis of Autism prior to 24 months is not as reliable as it is after 24 months because it can be easily confused with other developmental problems (Lord, 1995). However, some children with more clear markers are diagnosed at earlier ages.

In order to access early intervention for children with Autism, a prompt diagnosis is needed. If you are concerned about Autism Spectrum behaviors in your child, the first step is a thorough assessment. Oftentimes, the signposts of Autism are the lack of typically developing behaviors such as coordinating attention between people and objects, sharing emotions with others, following the point or gaze of another person, playing symbolically, using appropriate gestures, and having appropriate language development (Woods & Wetherby, 2003). However, these behaviors can also be signals of other developmental problems besides Autism, which is why it is important to have a professional in the field of Autism conduct a full assessment. The assessment should include recommendations on where and how to access early intervention for your child. At southeast Psych, we perform such assessments, and we are passionate about getting families in touch with the services and support they need following their testing.

Dr. Lauren King is a therapist at Southeast Psych who specializes in working with children with autism spectrum disorders and their families. She also has a specialty in the treatment of eating disorders. You can contact her directly at lking@southeastpsych.com.

References

Harris, S.L., & Handleman, J.S. (2000). Age and IQ at intake as predictors of placement for young children with autism: A four to six year follow-up. Journal of Autism & Developmental Disorders, 30, 137-143.

Lord, C. (1995). Follow-up of two-year-olds referred for possible autism. Journal of Child Psychology & Psychology & Psychiatry & Allied Disciplines, 36, 1365-1382.

Woods, J. J., & Wetherby, A. M. (2003). Early identification of and intervention for infants and toddlers who are at risk for autism spectrum disorder. Language, Speech, and Hearing Services in Schools, 34, 180-193.

Are Most People Good at Multitasking?

2010-06-28T08:03:00.004-04:00

Many people think they are good multitaskers, but are they really? Actually, no. Several studies have demonstrated that it is very difficult or impossible for most people to do two or more things at once very well, even if they think they are doing fine.

In a recent study, 200 volunteers were asked to drive in a driving simulator and concentrated on information given to them on a cell phone at the same time. The majority of the participants did poorly on both tasks. they were 20% slower to hit the brakes and also performed worse in responding to the information given to them over the phone.

However, the researchers uncovered a surprising discovery: 1 in 40 excelled at performing both tasks at the same time. That's right, a whopping 2.5% of adults seem to be good at multitasking. The author of the study, David Strayer, called these folks "supertaskers." These supertaskers seem to be able to take on two or more things at once and do really well on them.

It's not clear if this is a skill that has only recently developed in human brains, thanks to the demands of our ever-increasing tech-culture, or if it is something that some people's brains just naturally have the ability to do. Either way, it's still a rare skill. You might be a supertasker, but it's a safe bet to say that the odds are against you.

8 Ways to Combat Performance Anxiety in Competition

2010-06-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

by Nyaka Niilampti, Ph.D.

Regardless of how we feel about it, anxiety is a necessary part of any competition situation. While it’s necessary, as it is often our level of arousal and anxiety that gives us the needed “adrenaline rush” for competition, it does not need to get the best of us. Research suggests that one of the differences between successful athletes and those that may not be as successful is in how they experience the symptoms of anxiety—elite athletes are more likely to interpret the symptoms of anxiety as excitement and the feeling that gets them “pumped”, while for less confident athletes, those same symptoms may create issues such as doubt, tension, and negative thoughts.

For most individuals, anxiety related to competition is what we call “anticipatory” anxiety—the thoughts and worries that flood us before a situation or event. Once the event, performance, or competition begins, that anxiety may disappear, or the level may drop. For others, anxiety can remain throughout the entire event, resulting in increased heart rate, loss of breath, hands shaking, tension, concentration difficulties, not being able to “shake off” mistakes, and ultimately, a decrease in performance.

There are several ways in which you can work to decrease your anxiety level in a competition situation, rather than allowing your anxiety to control you. Here are just a few of them:

1. Differentiate between “playing well” and winning: Don’t focus on the outcome. Focusing on winning increases the pressure you place on yourself and puts you in a “future” mindset. Focus, instead, on those small things that you need to do that will allow you to perform well (“I know I need to focus on bringing my knees up in the last fifty meters”…“I need to make sure that I follow through with my shot”.) Focusing on the small things will contribute to the likelihood of creating the outcome you want: winning.

2. Set realistic goals to improve specific skills: Goals should be measurable, challenging and attainable. Vague goals such as “play well” do not offer much structure or direction. Similarly, you don’t want them to be too easy…you want to have to work for them, but you also want them to be within your reach.

3. Reduce uncertainty by preparing for “worst case scenarios”: one of the biggest contributors to overwhelming performance anxiety is a lack of confidence, which can happen for a number of reasons—feeling unprepared or fearing repeating a previous mistake, for example. One of the ways you can reduce uncertainty and increase the feeling of “being prepared” is to practice “worst case scenarios”. Have a ‘back-up’ warm-up that you can do relatively quickly in the case you are ever short on time, for example…things happen…buses break down, matches run late, meets run early.

4. Use “cue” statements to refocus: Develop a ‘cue’ statement that you can practice as a means of helping you to regain your focus. A cue statement should be short, personal, and positive. It should be a short phrase that creates a visual image of the athlete you want to be, and allows you to return your focus and concentration to the task at hand.

5. Cognitive rehearsal and visualization: Many athletes find that visualizing themselves successfully performing or completing a certain skill contributes to an increase in confidence, and therefore a decrease in anxiety. Cognitive rehearsal and visualization can both contribute toward feeling more prepared.

6. Positive self-talk: You may surprise yourself to realize how often the dialogue in your head becomes negative when you make a mistake. Recognize critical self-talk and the mistakes or actions that trigger negative conversations with yourself, and work to challenge those automatic negative thoughts and make them positive.

7. Breathing: This sounds like such a simple strategy, but it is one most often overlooked. Taking a deep breath during competition (or before certain moments—at the free throw line, for example, or before the race begins) can often be used as an opportunity to refocus and re-center. In the middle of stressful situations or when anxiety runs high, there is often the tendency to resort to shallow breathing, which results in even more anxiety. Taking a deep breath may allow you a moment to use additional strategies (positive self-talk, cue statements, goal reminders) that can also decrease anxiety.

8. Prepare properly: A significant contributing factor to performance anxiety may be the fear of being unprepared. If you feel confident in your preparation—for example, you know that you have taken practice seriously and consistently given your best effort—the result is often a significant level of confidence that you can “trust your training”.

Some degree of ‘performance anxiety’ is a necessary and helpful component of competition. However, if you can turn your worry and anxiety into positive action, you increase your chances of success.

Dr. Nyaka Niilampti is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in performance enhancement for athletes and other top performers, relationship concerns, diversity issues, and the treatment of anxiety and depression.

Violent Video Games Do Not Cause Violence in Most Children

2010-06-14T15:05:00.001-04:00

by Frank Gaskill, Ph.D.

Parents continue to ask me on a regular basis if playing violent video games will cause their children to be violent. The answer is usually, "no." Most kids--millions and millions of them--will have no increases in any meaningful long-term violent behavior because they played Modern Warfare 2 or other violent games.

In a recent Reuters article, one expert noted, "Recent research has shown that as video games have become more popular, children in the United States and Europe are having fewer behavior problems, are less violent and score better on standardized tests."

However, this doesn't mean that it is always a good idea to let your child play violent video games. You have to take developmental maturity into consideration (i.e., your 7-year-old might not be ready to play Halo Reach when it comes out, but your 14-year-old probably will be), as well as your own child's unique temperament and personality traits. Parents need to know their child and make specific judgments about whether it is good for him or her to play. Engage your child, play video games with them--or at least show interest in observing from time to time--and talk non-judgmentally about them.

Here are some likely risk factors for negative reactions to video games include the following:

1. Low tolerance for frustration - If your child gets very quickly overheated and can't manage upsetting emotions well, especially when compared to other kids of the same age, then it's probably wise to limit the exposure to certain types of games.

2. Frequent depressed or dark moods - If your child is prone to dark moods, isolation, or feelings of hopelessness. By the way, if this is true, you will probably want to consider seeking out professional help for them, as well.

3. Indifferent to the feelings of others - Lack of empathy and lack of remorse are big risk factors that should not be ignored.

4. Often breaks rules or promises to others - Again, you need to compare this to other children of the same age, but if your child breaks rules more frequently than his or her peers, especially big rules or does things that may negative affect other people (stealing, bullying, etc), then you will want to set some limits on certain types of gaming.

The best analogy I have heard thus far is that of a peanut allergy. Most people aren't allergic to peanuts, but a few are. The vast majority of kids who play video games are doing great, but a select few are “allergic.” If you are allergic, then just don’t play or let your kids play. At the very least, limit their exposure to too much gaming if your child has any of the risk factors.

Dr. Frank Gaskill is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych who works with children and their parents. One of his specialties is helping parents understand and skillfully navigate the new technologies that are part of their children's daily lives.

Are You Living with "Pregret"?

2010-05-24T07:51:00.001-04:00

by Dr. Jonathan Anslow

Some might figure that, as a psychologist, it’s part of my job to validate the whole spectrum of emotional experience for people. I guess in a way I agree with that, but only to a point. While we all struggle with a whole slew of emotional states, both positive and negatively charged, some of them are simply unworthy of validation. In particular, I think regret is an utterly useless emotion – a waste of one’s emotional energy. Such a fixation on woeful events chains us to our past and prevents us from moving on. We need to learn to stop playing the “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” game and start living our lives. We need to seek forgiveness, atone, make reparations, and move on or life will certainly move on without us.

Don’t get me wrong here – I’m not saying that we shouldn’t take stock of where we’ve been. If we do look back from time to time I think that we should only do so with the intent of learning something from our experiences, not for providing evidence of our failures and wrongdoings. To focus exclusively on our missteps and past grievances surely contributes to a pervasive sense of shame and doubt. And why waste time focusing on something that has already happened and cannot be changed? If we expended more energy thinking about potential and possibilities, we may find ourselves feeling enervated, motivated, and hopeful about the future. This brings me to Pregret.

Pregret is a term I like to think I coined, but a Google search from some time ago revealed that it was floating out there on the internet in places. Maybe I can distinguish what I mean by pregret by my unique application of the term. When I say Pregret I’m referring to pre-emptive regret. In other words regret for something that hasn’t happened. Are you following me? No, I’m not making a case for our innate ability to foretell the future or to time travel, although that would be pretty cool. In practice I occasionally get clients to think about the people in their lives that truly matter – all the people with whom they share a connection, people who are kind, who treat them with respect – basically anyone who cares about them in some significant way. I then ask them to imagine if these special people were no longer here. Yeah, it’s a morbid thought, but it’s designed to be a thought exercise because my next question is this:

“Would you have any regrets?”

If the answer to that question is “Yes”, then we’re talking about pregret. Now the wonderful thing about pregret is that it concerns feeling regret about something that hasn’t happened yet, so the wonderful thing is that you have the opportunity to take action and do something about it. For instance, someone might have regrets about not spending as much time with the person in question, or calling them, or telling them certain things. Well then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! What are you waiting for - the time is now! So think about it….do you have any pregrets???

Dr. Jonathan Anslow is a licensed psychologist with Southeast Psych who practices at our Blakeney office. He works primarily with adolescents and adults.

Asperger's Conference 2010

2010-05-16T07:43:00.001-04:00

Southeast Psych, together with Thompson Child and Family Focus and The Epiphany School, announces our first annual Asperger's Conference this Thursday, May 20th, from 9am until 1pm. The conference will be on the campus of Thompson Child and Family Focus and registration is only $40 per person.

Dr. Frank Gaskill, who is well-known in the Charlotte area and beyond for his work with children with Asperger's is the keynote speaker, followed by Dr. Craig Pohlman, the director of Mind Matters at Southeast Psych and the author or co-author of three books, including How Can My Kid Succeed in School?

In the afternoon sessions, you will have a choice of "Marriage and Asperger's" given by Dr. Jonathan Feather and Josh Jensen or "Super Social Skills" given by Mary B. Moore.

It's a great line-up of excellent presenters with great content. We already have more than 100 people registered and there is still time to get on board. If you are interested, please click here to send Patsy your information or call her directly at 704-552-0116. We hope to see you there.

10 Ways to Protect Yourself From Danger

2010-04-19T08:00:00.001-04:00

by Dr. Barrie Morganstein

We know that the world can be a scary place, but we still need to live in it. With a few smart behaviors, we can increase our personal safety. Below is a list of ten smart safety tips that everyone should use.

1. Don’t look vulnerable (e.g., stay off your cell phone, don’t hold your purse loosely, etc.)

2. Identify potential dangers (e.g., people trying to distract you, ask for directions, ask for help, etc.)

3. Avoid dangerous locations (e.g., avoid empty parking garages, isolated locations, etc.)

4. Be aware of your surroundings (e.g., check out people around you, identify areas that people can hide, look for escape routes, etc.)

5. Don’t make assumptions that people are safe because they look “nice”

6. Don’t tempt fate (i.e., why shop and run errands at night when you can do this in daylight?)

7. Avoid going out alone (there is safety in numbers)

8. Know the “tricks of the trade” that predators use (e.g., offering to help you so you feel indebted to “help” them, making unsolicited promises – “I’m a good guy”, “I won’t hurt you”, etc.)

9. If you carry a protection tool (e.g., pepper spray, a club, taser, etc.) make sure you know how to use it properly (don’t become your own victim)

10.Don’t be afraid of hurting someone’s feelings; if they look “sketchy” or make you feel uncomfortable, roll up your windows, lock your door, or cross to the other side of the street; hurting a stranger’s feelings is a small price to pay for your safety.

Dr. Barrie Morganstein is a psychologist at Southeast Psych who sees clients of all ages.

Ten Great Ways to Manage Stress

2010-04-05T08:00:00.000-04:00

by Dr. Barrie Morganstein

Keeping yourself from stressing out in the first place is probably the best tactic. However, if you have already arrived at that stressful place, here is a list of ten techniques that you can use to bring yourself back to nirvana (or at least your living room).

1. Breathing exercises (i.e., slow rhythmic breathing can lower your blood pressure and heart rate)

2. Visualization/Guided imagery (positive thoughts such as acing an interview or relaxing on the beach can make you feel more positive and even help you achieve goals)

3. Meditation (frequently involving deep breathing combined with visualization)

4. Exercise (the endorphins that you create while exercising are natural stress relievers)

5. Progressive muscle relaxation (a combination of visualization and body awareness, this can create physical as well as mental relaxation)

6. Listen to music (music can slow your breathing, pulse, and heart rate as well as bring about a natural calm)

7. Biofeedback (using a simple electronic device, it is possible to use your body to relax your mind and vice versa)

8. Yoga (also known as “moving mediation”, can bring about mental and physical relaxation)

9. Make a To Do list (having a list can not only get your duties out of your head and on to paper, but checking them off as you go feels pretty good)

10. Pets (snuggling with cute warm fuzzies can make anyone feel better instantly)

Dr. Barrie Morganstein is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych in Charlotte. She sees clients of all ages.

How Can I Succeed at College?

2010-03-29T07:55:00.002-04:00

Southeast Psych is thrilled to let you know about an upcoming half-day workshop for students who are serious about their college success. Parents and other family members are also invited.

It will be Sunday afternoon, April 25th from 1-5:30pm at the Charlotte Marriott Southpark in Charlotte, NC. The featured speakers will be Dr. Craig Pohlman, author of How Can My Kid Succeed in School? and Dr. Dave Verhaagen, author of Parenting the Millennial Generation. Between the two of them, they have authored or co-authored nine books and have been featured in several national publications.

Dr. Pohlman and Dr. Verhaagen will cover such topics as:

* Individualized study strategies for college

* Effective time management skills

* Achieving work-fun balance

* Avoiding the common college pitfalls

* Connecting with your passions in selecting a major and a career

If you know a high school junior or senior or a current college student who wants to truly succeed in college, please let them know about this exciting workshop.

To register, please call Patsy at 704-552-0116 or go to the seminar's registration page.

All the Brain News That's Fit to Print

2010-03-15T08:06:00.001-04:00

by Craig Pohlman, Ph.D., Director of Mind Matters at Southeast Psych

For anyone with an interest in education, learning, and building success for all students, I highly recommend the new book, The New Science of Teaching and Learning, by Tracey Tokuhama-Espinosa. Tracey is a pioneer in the fledgling field of Mind, Brain, and Education Science. In 2008 she convened 26 learning experts to sort the facts from the myths about the brain and learning. Astonishingly, this esteemed group concluded that just a handful of ideas about the brain and learning are actually well-supported by research. The rest are “neuromyths.”

In her book Tracy describes the “facts,” including that human brains are as unique as faces in terms of organization and that brains are dynamic and constantly changed by experience. In other words, each morning we wake with a different brain than the one we had when we went to bed.

Some of the “neuromyths” include that water is brain food (just because the human body is composed of a large amount of water doesn’t mean that chugging agua boosts learning) and that right-brained learners are more creative (the whole right- vs. left-brained thing hasn’t fared so well in the research).

Not only does this book have great content, but it is also a great read. Tracey takes all of this important information and crafts a compelling argument about how we should use science to make better decisions about teaching and learning.

Tracey is a Professor of Education at the Universidad San Francisco de Quito in Ecuador where she directs the Brain, Mind and Educational Development Institute and the Evaluation and Academic Excellence Center. She is also polyglot who is rearing her children to speak multiple languages.

Bottom line- cool book by a cool author.

Craig Pohlman is the author of How Can My Kid Succeed in School? and Revealing Minds, and co-author of Schools for All Kinds of Minds.

Is Your Student Ready for College?

2010-02-15T07:58:00.001-05:00

by Dave Verhaagen, Ph.D., ABPP

What are the chances your high school senior will make it through her freshman year of college? Kostas Andrea Fanti found that only half of incoming college freshman earn a degree in five years and, of the remaining half, a full 37% drop out entirely. Most of the studies find that about 1 out of 3 don't return to their school after their first year. In other words, a lot of students are at risk for not making it through their freshman year. By the way, this trend has been going on for decades. In a study of nearly 58,000 students back in the early 1920's, the author found that 32% of college freshman don't make it past their first year.

So who is at risk for dropping out? Here's a partial list of some of the patterns that put a student at greater risk:

* Students who have had to be externally motivated and excessively structured by parents and teachers.

* Students who manage their time very poorly, especially with school-related work.

* Students with ADHD who do not manage their condition well (i.e., forget their medicine, don't keep their materials organized, procrastinate, etc.).

* Students who are prone to depression or anxiety in a way that makes them isolate themselves from others, get easily overwhelmed, or turn to self-medicating.

* Students who use substances regularly and/or drink heavily, especially if their use has already caused them to get in trouble or underachieve academically.

For these students, it is often important to seek out professional support or consultation before they go off to school. Once there, they will often need support services at their university that can be accessed through the counseling center, the learning support center, or the office for students with disabilities. It's almost always better to be proactive and set up supports ahead of time.

Dave Verhaagen is a licensed psychologist who specializes in working with older high school and college students.

Helping Kids Wash Away Worries

2010-02-01T07:41:00.001-05:00

by Mary B. Moore, LCSW

Everyone gets worried or nervous sometimes, both kids and adults. For some kids, worries happen out of the blue for no apparent reason. For others, nervous feelings occur at certain times like when taking a test, meeting a new person, trying something new or leaving their family. Worried feelings are normal and a little bit of worried feelings even can be helpful. If we were not worried about a test, we may not study. If we were not worried about getting sunburned, we would not wear sunscreen. A little bit of worry or nervousness can provide us the energy and focus to tackle a challenging task.

Helping your kids to accept their worry instead of fearing or avoiding it is an important first step in helping them to successfully manage and use the anxiety in a good way.

The Good News: you and your kids can do something to make them feel better and prevent the worries from getting overwhelming.

Help your kids to:

Step 1: Recognize and accept the feeling

· Have your child ask themselves: What is going on in my body? What feelings and thoughts am I having?

· Help your kids to not be afraid of the “butterflies” in their stomach or the sweaty palms. It is our body’s way of getting extra energy to pay attention and tackle the situation.

· Validate your child’s worries with a simple “You seem very worried,” or “Sometimes I get nervous too.” Do not minimize your child’s worry. This will only make it worse.

Step 2: Figure iut what is causing the worry

· Help your child to figure out what exactly is bothering them. For example, your daughter may have morning meltdowns about going to school. When what really is bothering her is not understanding math. Getting help with math may help reduce the school anxiety. Another example, your son is anxious about going to a birthday party. Through questioning, you uncover he is not sure how to start and carry on a conversation. Understanding what the worries are helps find ways to solve the problem and feel better.

Step 3: Think about ways to feel better

· Self-calming techniques – take 3 or 5 really deep breaths, count to 10 (or 20 or 50), drink some water or splash water on your face, engage in a pleasurable activity (drawing, listening to music, reading)

· Take action to solve steps of the problem: if your child is worried about an upcoming math test, help them to organize their time and studying. If worried about meeting new people, help him practice questions and conversation skills.

· Remind them of past experiences of success.

Step 4: Ask for help

Let your child know you are there to listen and help. Identify others in their life they can talk to when they are anxious or worried: grandparent, teacher, coach, counselor and friends. The message:

· "Talking to someone you trust can make you feel better and less alone when you feel worried. In addition, the person may be able to help you solve the problem which is making you nervous."

Sometimes despite our best attempts to help kids wash away worries, their anxiety begins to interfere with their daily functioning at school, home or on the athletic field. If you feel your child has become overwhelmed with anxiety, a professional can provide the additional support, guidance and skills to help.

Mary B. Moore, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in helping kids and parents cope with and successfully manage anxiety.

The Sibling Situation

2009-11-23T10:16:00.005-05:00

by Lauren King, MA

Here, at Southeast Psych, we work with a great deal of children on the Autism spectrum. What we don’t see is what happens in their homes. Many of these children have countless hours of therapy in their home such as ABA. They might also have speech and OT appointments during the week. The child on the spectrum needs a great deal of support in order to function at the highest level of social, behavioral, academic, and emotional functioning possible.

The stress experienced by families due to the care involved for a child on the Autism spectrum can be tremendous. Parents can oftentimes express their feelings, but what about siblings? How do they feel about having a sibling who is different? What do they think about having different types of therapists in their home all week?

We know that the potential stressors for children who have siblings on the autism spectrum are changes to the family structure, feelings of confusion brought on by the sibling’s behavior, and loss of attention. They also experience feelings of jealousy, embarrassment, and guilt.

What siblings need right now and how you can help:

Education about Autism/ Asperger’s (depending on age/maturity level): Have a “sit down”, and teach them about their sibling in clear and age-appropriate terms.
A support network potentially of sibling peers to normalize their experience (feelings of jealousy, embarrassment, or guilt): Have them join a group such as Sibshops or the sibling support group at Southeast Psych (for more information, contact lking@southeastpsych.com).
To be able to respond to peers about their sibling: Model problem-solving about peer situations when out in public or with family friends.
Alone time with parents: Make a date with them each week
Realize their own unique characteristics and strengths: Make a point to comment on their specific strengths and characteristics—their likes and dislikes
Understand how to voice needs/Freedom to do so: Give them license to share feelings about sibling with you
Learn coping strategies for having an Autistic or Asperger’s sibling: Model healthy coping at home. Support groups for kids also teach a great deal of coping strategies.
Healthy modeling from mom and dad: Take care of yourself! We know that parental stress is linked to decreased socialization in siblings.

**The good news is that research shows that these kids are resilient, reasonably well-adjusted, and have good self-concepts. They are frequently more empathic than peers. In fact, moms and dads often overestimate the stress of the non-affected sibling.

Lauren King is a pre-doctoral intern at Southeast Psych who specializes in working with individuals with eating disorders, as well as children and adolescents who have autism spectrum disorders.

Is My Child Ready for Kindergarten?

2009-11-19T07:26:00.005-05:00

by Mary B. Moore

This time of year can bring stress to a lot of parents as they begin to plan for their child’s leap into kindergarten for the next school year. Parents are often uncertain if their son or daughter is ready for the academic, social, and emotional demands of kindergarten. Would transitional or junior kindergarten be a better fit? Will my son be challenged? Bored? Overwhelmed? Which school is right for him?

As a mother of 3 boys, I have experienced this anxiety-provoking process first hand. Selecting a school for our kindergarten child was more exhausting than my college application process! After many open houses, conversations with teachers, parents, professionals, and research, my head was spinning.

As parents we want our child to feel successful in school – to learn, make friends, have fun and develop a thirst for knowledge. A successful school experience involves more than academic skills acquired at a certain age. It depends largely on the right fit and at the right time and how your child’s overall development – his or her social, emotional, physical, as well as intellectual behaviors will match a program’s curriculum demands.

Understanding your child’s developmental readiness can greatly assist you in the decision-making process. No two children are alike. For example, one 5 year old may need a very small class size which incorporates hands on learning and opportunities for physical movement. While another 5 year old may thrive in a larger class sizes with more table work.

The Gesell Developmental Observation is one component of a comprehensive evaluation which can provide individualized information about your child. Knowledge about your child’s developmental functioning is a valuable tool to help you make an informed decision about the best available school placement for the unique needs of your child.

While information is power, so are some other healthy tips. Here are 5 to consider for you and your child during this time:

Get adequate sleep

Eat well and exercise

Maintain a consistent routine

Do not try to coach your child for pre-admission testing: school evaluations and testing assess where a child naturally and independently functions. Quizzing your child does not help, it only creates stress and may have a negative impact on your child.

Have fun together! Early childhood is a time of wonder, excitement and emerging growth. Laugh and enjoy this precious short stage with your child!

Mary B. Moore, LCSW is provides individual and family therapy to young children and their parents. She specializes in child development, parenting, anxiety, separation/divorce, grief/loss and Aspergers. Mary B. is a certified Gesell examiner and provides Developmental School Readiness Assessments to children ages 3-9 .

What is Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

2009-11-16T08:04:00.001-05:00

by Dr. Bilal Ghandour

“I am fine but you’re obviously having a bad hair day.”

That line about ‘bad hair’ from the 1992 movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer popularized this expression commonly used today to describe a day when everything goes wrong. A day we hope will end soon so we can have a better tomorrow when our hair and, well, the rest of our life, is back in order.

But what if every day was a bad hair day? Or every day was a bad nose, skin, finger or ear day? We might all dislike one aspect of our body every now and then but when it takes on obsessive proportions and the experience is not reality based (read: everybody else in the entire universe think you look just fine) then it looks like what we call Body Dysmorphic Disorder. This problem in perception of one’s body can vary from thinking a microscopic pimple on a left cheek is the size of a soccer ball to the distorted state of mind of an anorectic person who is convinced she is fat when her weight is so low it endangers her life.

Psychologists have varied in their explanation of the causes of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Behaviorally oriented folks believe it develops from learning to make a lasting connection between the occurrence of a ‘defect’ (i.e., a pimple) and feeling bad. They call it conditioning. For example, if you develop a pimple as a teenager and you were having bad grades at a time, then you learn to associate the pimple with the bad grade. If you don’t learn to ‘unlearn’ this connection so to speak you might end up generalizing this link to other things and believe that whenever anything bad happens to you, your pimple takes on gigantic proportions.

Cognitive psychologists explain the problem by emphasizing the importance of how our mind develops these patterns. They argue that a repeated comment made by one or two folks whose opinion you value - possibly at a vulnerable time in your life - will lead to certain automatic thoughts as to how people view you. For example, if you were told to put a hat on to cover your ears because they are “kinda big” you might begin to think this is really how everyone thinks of your ears. Have not all middle-aged adults magnified the value of someone’s horrific mistake of guessing our age higher than it actually is? Don’t we sometimes automatically think – maybe for just a day or two – that everyone who looks at us think we already have a foot in the grave?

Psychologists who have a psychodynamic or, more precisely, a psychoanalytic approach (enter Freud) believe the problem is not really about one’s body but about other issues. They say it might be an unconscious hatred towards one’s parent or maybe a deep malaise about one’s life condition (e.g., stuck in a bad marriage, hating one’s job). For some however the deflection from relationship hatred to body hatred is conscious. But why do we not simply reveal or make conscious our real feelings? Psychoanalysts would say we tend not to reveal our true emotions because it is socially unacceptable to divulge that we hate the very folks who created us or announce to the whole world that we hate our partner (and can’t leave them). As a result, we begin to hate a part of ourselves that is socially acceptable to dislike: our bodies. The most famous example of someone who hated one part of his body (and we all know how much he hated his father but never really talked about it) is Michael Jackson. Just take a look at his skin change over the course of his career and you can notice how he constantly tried to alter the way it looked.

Finally, feminists and social constructivists have also given their perspective on Body Dysmorphic Disorder. And yes, you probably guessed, BDD is to a large extent a female disorder. Why? I will let your own mind think about it as you interpret this quote from Andrea Dworkin:

“In our culture, not one part of a women's body is left untouched, unaltered. No feature or extremity is spared the art, or pain, of improvement. Hair is dyed, lacquered, straightened, permanented; eyebrows are plucked, pencilled, dyed; eyes are lined, mascaraed, shadowed; lashes are curled or false- from head to toe, every feature of
a woman's face, every section of her body, is subject to modification,
alteration." (Dworkin, 1974, p.112)

Dr. Bilal Ghandour is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in issues related to body image, binge eating, and self-harm.

REFERENCES

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/bad-hair-day.html

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2225586/

http://www.britannica.com/blogs/2009/07/michael-jackson-bdd-body-dysmorphic-disorder/

Woman Hating: A Radical Look at Sexuality (1974)

10 Signs of an Eating Disorder

2009-11-09T08:00:00.002-05:00

by Lauren King, M.A.

How do you know when a loved one has crossed over from dieting to an Eating Disorder? Unfortunately, in our culture, dieting is now an expectation for women; it’s the norm. We cannot escape the commercials, online advertisements, and magazines that tout the thin ideal and the “7 easy steps” to obtaining it. Women are beginning to diet at younger and younger ages, even into childhood. Repeatedly, research shows that dieting is a HUGE risk factor for developing an Eating Disorder.

Often parents do not find out that their daughter or son has been struggling with an Eating Disorder until the disorder has taken a strong hold. Below are 10 signs that indicate potential Eating Disordered behaviors:

1. Sudden weight loss

2. Grades at school dropping

3. Becoming highly irritable

4. Clear anxiety when eating around others or frequently requesting to eat in his/her room

5. Avoiding certain restaurants or places where s/he cannot see the food being prepared.

6. Playing with food on his/her plate, but not really eating it

7. Eating unreasonable amounts of food (either too small or too big) or eating food very slowly or at a rapid rate

8. Consistently asking to be excused immediately following meals to go to the bathroom or take a shower

9. A driven quality to exercise—drops other interests in pursuit of going to the gym

10. Large amounts of food are disappearing

If you observe these or other obsessive food behaviors and withdrawal, it is important to talk to your loved one with warmth and honesty about your concerns. Educate yourself about Eating Disorders, and seek help. Because Eating Disorders are multifactorial, it is best to seek multifaceted treatment from a nutritionist, a medical doctor, and a mental health professional that specializes in the treatment of Eating Disorders.

Lauren King is a pre-doctoral intern at Southeast Psych who specializes in working with individuals with eating disorders, as well as children and adolescents who have autism spectrum disorders.

Get Your Girls Involved in Sports!

2009-11-02T21:48:00.007-05:00

by Nyaka Niilampti

The impact of playing sports for young children is an issue that receives much debate, particularly when more than 20 million children participate in youth sports programs. Although parents frequently wish for their young ones to be engaged in sports, their rationales are often based on a number of factors: ‘because I did it,” learning how to work with others, sportsmanship, and the simple benefits of exercise and being active. Those opposing the idea of youth sport participation argue that sport (or some sports in particular) promotes aggressive behaviors. However, there are significant additional reasons to encourage sport participation for youth, and young girls in particular. Here are six of them:

Greater self-esteem and self-confidence: Research suggests that sport participation psychologically impacts young girls and females differently than it does for males, with higher self-esteem and self-confidence, as compared to their non athlete peers. This self-esteem seems to contribute to greater academic success, less of chance of dropping out of school, and less chance of becoming a teenage mother.

Lower levels of depression: Research suggests that female athletes report lower levels of depression when compared to their non-athlete peers.

Healthier body image: Research suggests that sport participation gives women a sense that their bodies belong to them, producing a self-esteem that is a great antidote for anorectic behavior. While there are some sports that have a higher tendency for disordered eating, in comparison to females in general, athletes tend to view their bodies more realistically.

Greater access to break the glass ceiling: It has also been suggested that females who participate in sport are at an advantage over their non athletic peers. Research argues that because the American business environment is structured and organized based upon a male model, females who have had some interaction in sport have greater access.

Greater academic success and likelihood of graduating college: Despite the theory that athletes are lacking in intelligence and perform poorly in school, high school female athletes tend to have higher grades and graduation rates than their non-participating peers, and college female student athletes boast the highest college graduation rates than female non-athletes and all male students, both athletes and non-athletes.

Lower risk for breast cancer and osteoporosis: Females who exercise at least two hours a week can reduce chances of developing breast cancer by 20-30 percent, and four or more hours of exercise a week (45 minutes a day) can reduce the risk by almost 60% (McTiernan, 2006).

While girls are often as active as young boys in sport, the peak age of participation is 12 or 13, when many girls drop out of sport for a range of reasons. The drop out rate of females in sports is six times that of boys, and occurs during a time in development and identity formation when these characteristics would be most important. However, as females approach adolescence, they become aware of the socially negative aspects of being an athlete. This is the time when they will need the most encouragement, as the potential benefits of continuing (or beginning) become so much greater.

So, encourage them to get involved, and to the best of their abilities, encourage them to remain involved. Young girls will learn so much more than just how to catch a ball.

‘If you Let me Play’

If you let me play.
If you let me play sports. I will like….myself more.
I will have more self-confidence.
If you let me play.
If you let me play!
I’ll be 60% less likely to get breast cancer.
I’ll suffer less depression.
If you let me play sports.
I’ll be more likely….to leave a man who beats me.
I’ll be less likely…to get pregnant before…I want to.
I will learn
I will learn
What it means to be strong…To be strong.
If you let me play…Play sports…If you let me play sports.

Rachel Nelson, Jennifer Smieja, and Angelina Vieira (1996) of theWeiden and Kennedy Ad Agency for the Nike Corp. Some research by Karen Sarpolis, M.D.

McTiernan, A. (2006). Cancer Prevention and Management through Exercise and Weight Control. Boca Raton: Taylor & Francis Group, LLC.

Dr. Niilampti is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych. One of her specialties is sports psychology.

Book Signing Cancelled for Tonight Due to Illness

2009-10-22T11:21:00.000-04:00

Dr. Pohlman's appearance and book signing at Joseph-Beth Booksellers at Southpark has been cancelled tonight due to illness. Check back soon for information about when it will be rescheduled.

Meet the Author of How Can My Kid Succeed in School

2009-10-19T07:51:00.000-04:00

Dr. Craig Pohlman, author of the acclaimed book How Can My Kid Succeed in School? will be speaking this Thursday night, October 22, at Joseph-Beth Booksellers beside Southpark Mall in Charlotte.

The presentation starts at 7pm and will include a presentation, a chance to ask questions, and the opportunity to get your book signed. It's a practical book that is must reading for parents or teachers of any child who is struggling with school.

Many of the Southeast Psych staff will be there, as well. It should be a good night and we hope to see as many of you as possible there.

Do Violent Video Games Cause Violence and Aggression?

2009-10-11T14:50:00.005-04:00

by Dr. Frank Gaskill & Dr. Dave Verhaagen

Editor's Note: The following is an updated version of one of our most popular posts ever.

In 1955, the U.S. Senate blasted comic books, deploring their depiction of every horrible thing from murder to cannibalism. The lawmakers heard from a prominent psychiatrist who singled out the Superman comic books as especially "injurious to the ethical development of children" because they "arouse phantasies [sic] of sadistic joy" in our youth. Another witness testified that children had been jumping off high places in attempts to fly like their hero. Shame on that Superman. He ruined the lives of so many children!

Half a century later, violent video games are the comic books of our day. Testimony before our state Senate included descriptions of horrific-sounding games. One witness described a game where the player scans in faces of classmates and teachers and then shoots them. He also referenced another game called Postal that gives points for watching innocent people beg for mercy before you kill them. The only problem is that we've never met one kid - or any person of any age, for that matter - who has even heard of these games. They are straw man arguments.

One frequently cited research article criticizing violent video games includes several studies. One of these studies was a "correlational study" from which the authors concluded, "Playing violent video games often may well cause increases in delinquent behaviors, both aggressive and non-aggressive." However, in a remarkable moment of self-contradiction, they later said that making such causative statements with a correlational study is "risky, at best." Why is it risky? Because correlations are just relationships between two variables; you can never say one causes the other. We could say that during the season when ice cream sales increase, shark attacks also increase. But we could not say the more ice cream you sell, the more you cause shark attacks.

Why would a couple of child psychologists come to the defense of violent video games? Because some legislative initiatives and public opinions across the country are based on fallacious assumptions, personal biases, political posturing and weak science. One recent systematic analysis of the research literature found "insufficient, contradictory and methodologically flawed evidence on the association between television viewing and video game playing and aggression in children and young people with behavioral and emotional difficulties. If public health advice is to be evidence-based, good quality research is needed," (Mitrofan, Paul, Spencer, 2009). Another extensive study found "no support for the hypothesis that violent video game playing is associated with higher aggression," (Ferguson, 2007). In fact, that same study found some positive benefits of playing violent video games, particularly improvements in visual-spatial thinking.While there are studies that find people who play violent video games may have a brief increase in violent thoughts and feelings, newer research finds that these thoughts and feelings typically last less than four minutes (Barlett, Branch, Rodeheffer, & Harris, 2009). And remember, having a violent thought is a whole lot different than actually committing violence.

Common sense tells you that you don't let an elementary school kid or an older child with a history of aggressive behavior play Grand Theft Auto. But that same common sense tells you that if 90 percent of households have owned or rented a video game every year - while the juvenile crime rate has been going down for more than a decade - then a little Halo 3 ODST never hurt anybody...

Frank Gaskill is a child psychologist with Southeast Psych who specializes in technology issues and Asperger's Disorder. He has pioneered the E-Parent curriculum to help parents better understand the tech world of their teenagers. He is also co-author of the forthcoming Max Gamer graphic novel.

Dave Verhaagen is a child and adolescent psychologist with Southeast Psych who works mostly with older adolescents and young adults. He is the author or co-author of six books, including Parenting the Millennial Generation and the forthcoming Therapy with Young Men.

Both have Ph.D.'s in psychology from UNC-Chapel Hill (Go Tar Heels!).

References:

Barlett, C., Branch, O., Rodeheffer, C., & Harris, R. (2009). How long do the short-term violent video game effects last? Aggressive Behavior. Vol 35(3), May-Jun 2009, 225-236.

Mitrofan, O., Paul, M., & Spencer, N. (2009). Is aggression in children with behavioural and emotional difficulties associated with television viewing and video game playing? A systematic review. Child: Care, Health and Development. Vol 35(1), Jan 2009, 5-15.

Ferguson, C. J. (2007). The good, the bad and the ugly: A meta-analytic review of positive and negative effects of violent video games. Psychiatric Quarterly. Vol 78(4), Dec 2007, 309-316.

Trauma in Our Lives, Part Two: Helping a Child Through a Trauma

2009-10-05T08:04:00.000-04:00

by Dr. Jessica Bloomfield

It is estimated that in the United States approximately five million children experience some form of trauma each year. Car accidents, natural disasters, abuse, sudden deaths of loved ones, and exposure to community violence are examples of events that can impact children. Trauma does not just happen to one person; it touches family members, friends, and others involved in children’s lives. When something traumatic has happened to your child, there are things you can do to help facilitate recovery.

Guidelines for helping a child who has experienced a trauma:

Do not be afraid to talk about the traumatic event. When a child brings up the topic of what happened, don’t avoid it. Listen, provide support and nurturance, and answer questions honestly and to the best of your ability. It’s okay to say that you don’t know something (such as why the tornado hit your house, where people go when they die, etc.). Follow the child’s lead in discussing the event; stick to answering his or her specific questions and don’t address the topic unless your child is the one to initiate it. Be aware of your own reaction to the trauma and do not over react or appear out of control with your own emotions in front of your child. Verbalizing your own feelings of sadness, hurt, and anger is appropriate.

Create predictability and safety in your child’s daily routines. Imposing structure and patterns increases a child’s sense of safety and control throughout the day. Keep consistent times for regular activities such as meals, homework, play, and bedtime. If there are changes in the routine, give explanations for them. Keep promises you make to your child during a crisis time so he or she knows he can count on you.

Notify other adults in the child’s life about what has happened. It will be important that adults who interact with children on a regular basis (e.g., teachers, coaches, other parents, etc.) are aware of what your child has experienced. This helps others have more awareness and sensitivity and may allow greater tolerance of trauma-related behaviors that might otherwise wear on one’s patience.

Discuss your expectations for behavior. Make sure your child knows the rules at home and the consequences for breaking them. Be consistent in your discipline and focus on reinforcing positive behaviors. While it is good to be flexible at times, make sure you provide a clear rationale for any changes you make to consequences. It may be tempting to refrain from enforcing rules when your child has been through something traumatic, however, following through on consequences provides predictability, consistency, and the sense that you as the parent are in control; all three provide emotional comfort and safety.

Keep your child safe. Physical safety is one piece of this and emotional safety is another. Try to limit exposure to activities, events, and other reminders of the trauma, especially if you see your child’s symptoms increase during such activities. It’s okay to stop an activity if you see it is upsetting or retraumatizing your child.

Recognize the impact that the trauma has had on you. Sometimes parents experience the same traumatic event as their children, and in other cases parents feel the vicarious effects of trauma that has happened to their child. Feelings of helplessness, guilt, and sadness are common reactions of parents of traumatized children. Seek help from friends, family member, and/or professionals to cope with the painful emotions you have. Do not expect your child to take care of you as you deal with your own emotions. For example, do not keep your child home with you to assuage your own fear of separation from him or her. It is important to take care of yourself in order to be able to best help your child.

Know when to ask for help. Following a trauma, it is normal for children to show signs of distress. You may notice signs of disorganization, such as poor concentration and confusion. Some children begin to display behaviors that are characteristic of younger children, such as clinginess, loss of toileting, and general fearfulness. A child may reenact an event or themes relating to the event through play and artwork. Physical complaints are also common. Symptoms will usually become less severe after a few weeks, however, if the severity persists, consider consulting a mental health professional.

Dr. Jessica Bloomfield is a psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in treating trauma, as well as depression, anxiety, and a range of other issues.

How Can My Kid Succeed in School? Arrives in Bookstores

2009-09-28T07:53:00.001-04:00

Southeast Psych's own Dr. Craig Pohlman's latest book, How Can My Kid Succeed in School? is now in bookstores and, of course, you can order it online at amazon.com. What you will find is a highly practical book for both parents and teachers who want to help a child who is struggling with school.

The book helps adults understand their child's unique strengths and struggles, explains how to gather clues for understanding the child's learning profile, and gives practical strategies for helping each child.

Dr. Pohlman in an internationally-known, well-respected neurodevelopmental psychologist who has conducted or supervised thousands of assessments with struggling learners. This terrific book is a tremendous resource for parents and educators and should be on their must-read list.

You can see Dr. Pohlman in person on Thursday, Oct. 22 at 7pm at Joseph Beth Booksellers at Southpark Mall in Charlotte. He'll be giving a presentation and signing copies of the book. Come out and meet him.

How Can My Kid Succeed in School? Part Four: Improving Listening Skills

2009-09-21T08:00:00.001-04:00

by Dr. Craig Pohlman

Editor's note: This is the fourth of a four part series from Dr. Pohlman's new book, How Can My Kid Succeed in School? which is now available at amazon.com and will be in bookstores next week. Today, he shares ideas for parents who want too improve their child's listening skills.

Receptive language is the capacity to understand word sounds, word parts, whole words, sentences, and large chunks such as stories and lectures. It is not the same as reading comprehension. We use receptive language to understand when listening as well as when reading. The act of reading involves a lot of skills related to decoding text, making it a more complex activity than listening. On the other hand, listening is more closely aligned with receptive language in many ways.

If your child has limited receptive language, providing practice with listening skills may be necessary. Since listening doesn’t also require decoding printed text (which may also be problematic for your child), it provides more targeted practice with comprehending word meanings, sentence structures, and extended descriptions and arguments. You can provide listening comprehension practice for your child in a lot of ways, the most obvious being to read to him. You may need to pause after every paragraph or so to pose questions about what you just read, make predictions about what will come next, or contemplate how the material connects to other things (personal experience, other books read, movies, and so on). Audio books also provide great listening experiences; you (or somebody) should know enough about the content to converse with your child about it.

Television is a fact of life for most families, and fortunately it does provide a lot of educational programming about a range of topics. Also, high-quality entertainment shows, sports, and news can challenge your child’s receptive language (much of this content can also be accessed via DVDs or downloaded from the Internet). Many Web sites convey information via audio, but often with visual supports such as photos and diagrams which can help your child make connections (obviously supervision is necessary when kids are online).

Regardless of the form listening practice takes, here are some pointers for getting the most out of audio media for your child:

• Push the edge of the envelope in terms of difficulty. You don’t want to overwhelm your child with material that is too advanced, but you do want to make it a little challenging.

• If possible, leverage your child’s interests. If your child is into sports, suggest watching one of the many shows devoted to analysis of games and player profiles.

• Talk with your child about the material (before, during, and after). Stretch your child’s receptive language by asking questions (you might have to act naïve about the subject), modeling the forming of connections (“You know, this reminds me of . . .”), and asking for a summary (“So what were the main reasons they thought this happened?”).

• Expand expressive language at the same time. Take advantage of opportunities for your child to improve things such as summarizing, describing, explaining, and supporting an opinion.

• Be transparent about what you’re doing. You want your child to better understand his mind, and discussing the rationale behind the tactics you’re using will promote that understanding.

Dr. Pohlman conducts and supervises learning assessments for Southeast Psych and is available to present on learning issues. Feel free to contact him at 704-552-0116 or speakersbureau@southeastpsych.com. His new book is due out in stores Sept. 28th and can be ordered online now. Watch out for a special announcement about Dr. Pohlman's upcoming appearance at Joseph Beth Books in Charlotte.

How Can My Kid Succeed in School? Part Three

2009-09-14T07:46:00.003-04:00

by Dr. Craig Pohlman

Editor's note: This is the third of a four part series from Dr. Pohlman's new book, How Can My Kid Succeed in School? which arrives in bookstores in two weeks. Today he talks about two kinds of questions kids ask when learning that may give parents insight into what might be going on with their child.

How-to Questions

Kids often fire some other kinds of questions at parents when doing their homework, and each can provide clues about their learning. Two such question categories are how-to and what’s up? How-to questions relate to the various procedures and rules that kids need to access when doing their homework. Asking these questions is a tip-off that long-term memory isn’t working well, especially if the student can readily use the procedure or rule once prompted (which suggests he understands it). Examples include the following:

• How do I borrow a number?
• How do you spell summary when there’s more than one summary?
• Do you put the period before or after the quotation mark at the end of the sentence?
• How would I solve for n in this problem?

Sometimes, however, how-to questions result from something other than memory problems, such as how well the student can reason through a problem. Applied reasoning refers to the use of logic to solve problems and tackle challenging situations. A student who asks a lot of deep how-to questions, such as, “How would I figure out the amount of water in this canister if this cube is submerged in it?" or “How could I show that climate change is affecting this habitat?” likely has shaky reasoning.

What’s-up Questions

These often reveal shaky understanding of the material and of important concepts. They are often accompanied by complaints such as “I don’t get it!” or pleas such as “Explain this to me.” What’s-up questions take many forms, but they all boil down to a less-than-firm grasp of a concept. A concept is a set of critical features of a group of ideas or objects that define that group, determine group membership, and connect it to other groups. Some of the many concepts taught in school are freedom of speech, integers, and symbiosis. Here are some example questions that relate to concepts:

• What’s the difference between a cold-blooded animal and a warm-blooded animal?
• What does extremism mean?
• Can I just add the tops and bottoms of these two fractions?
• Aren’t a phrase and a clause pretty much the same thing?

Dr. Pohlman conducts and supervises learning assessments for Southeast Psych and is available to present on learning issues. Feel free to contact him at 704-552-0116 or speakersbureau@southeastpsych.com. His new book is due out in stores Sept. 28th and can be pre-ordered online now.

Trauma in Our Lives, Part One: Anniversary of 9/11

2009-09-11T22:19:00.003-04:00

by Dr. Jessica Bloomfield

On the 8th anniversary of September 11th, we are once again reminded of the events that took place on that beautiful Fall day. Most of us can still recall exactly where we were when we heard the news of the unthinkable—terrorist attacks on our home front. We remember that moment when the safety and security we knew so well were whipped out from underneath us, and we could no longer go about our everyday lives thinking of terrorism and tragedy as things that happen far away to other people. The World Trade Center, Pentagon, and Shanksville, Pennsylvania became epicenters of hurt, suffering, and pain. Like an earthquake, the effects are felt intensely at the center, and have ripple effects that are far reaching, marked by aftershocks, destruction, and devastation; and life is never quite the same.

Thus is the nature of trauma.

Trauma comes in many forms, affects people near and far, forever changes lives, and leaves some people unscathed. Physical scars are left as well as emotional ones—and some hurts never seem to fully heal, leaving the bearer forever changed in both good and bad ways.

What constitutes a trauma? A trauma is an event which happens outside the realm of “normal” experiences. It overwhelms a person’s regular coping abilities. Trauma comes in many different forms. Wars, hurricanes, school shootings, rapes, abuse, sudden deaths, and car accidents are only a few examples. Trauma can affect a person emotionally, biologically, and socially. It impacts survivors as well as family members, friends, and acquaintances.

Emotional reactions to trauma vary widely and there is no right or wrong way to feel after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Two people could experience a terrible car accident together and may respond in very different ways or even recall the event differently. Genetics, personal history, feelings about control over the event, gender, and physiological reactions are some of the factors that affect whether or not a person will experience psychological difficulties following a traumatic event. Approximately 60% of people living in the U.S. will be exposed to at least one traumatic event during their lifetime.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a clinical diagnosis for people who have experienced a trauma and experience specific distressing symptoms afterwards. It is estimated that 9 to 15 percent of the general population in the U.S. have PTSD, although that number rises to 50% for women who have been raped. While less than a quarter of people who experience a trauma develop full-blown PTSD, there are many who still suffer from posttraumatic stress symptoms, which can greatly affect their lives.

It can be difficult to recognize the impact of trauma, and feelings of shame, anger, powerlessness, depression, and anxiety are common. Some people believe they should not feel the way they do following a trauma; some believe they could have prevented what happened, or that having difficulties means they are weak. Some feel as if they are going crazy. It is important to know that posttraumatic stress symptoms are normal reactions to abnormal situations.

So, on the anniversary of an event that was traumatic for our nation, it is good to take a moment to recognize the effects it had on us individually and as a culture and to be aware of the impact such events can have on our lives. Anniversaries can be very hard for those touched by trauma and some of the following activities may be helpful during such times:

• Writing down thoughts in a journal or blog

• Sharing memories

• Spending time with loved ones

• Connecting with spiritual or religious organizations

• Beginning the process of healing old wounds with the help of a professional

Dr. Jessica Bloomfield is a psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in treating trauma, as well as depression, anxiety, and a range of other issues.

References:

Busuttil, W. (2007). Psychological trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder. In N. Mervat, K. Baistow, and Treasure, J. (Eds.) The Female Body in Mind: The Interface Between the Female Body and Mental Health (pp. 41-56). New York: Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.

Foa, E. B., Hembree, E. A., & Rothbaum, B. O. (2007). Prolonged Exposure Therapy for PTSD: Emotional Processing of Traumatic Experiences. New York: Oxford University Press.

Herman, J. (1997). Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books.

Treadwell, K. & Foa, E. (2004). Assessment of post-traumatic stress disorder. In W. T. O’Donohue & E. R. Levensky (Eds.) Handbook of forensic psychology: Resource for mental health and legal professionals. (pp. 347-366). New York: Elsevier Science.

Van der Kolk, B. A., McFarlane, A. C. (1996). The Black Hole of Trauma. In B. A. van der Kolk, A. C. McFarlane, & L. Weisaeth (Eds.) Traumatic Stress: The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body, and Society (pp. 3-23). New York: Guilford Press.

Help Prevent Suicide

2009-09-10T21:06:00.004-04:00

by Dr. Nyaka Niilampti

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, with this year’s theme being “Suicide Prevention in Different Cultures.” The purpose behind the day is to help educate about facts related to suicide, decrease the stigma associated with the topic, and most importantly, raise awareness that suicide is preventable (IASP, 2009).

Few words carry as much weight as the term “suicide”, which is often almost afraid to be uttered for fear that it may affect someone we know. However, as with similar fears, suicide is an issue that is best addressed directly in a community environment to decrease stigma, clarify misperceptions, and equip people to help friends seek support.

Suicide prevention research views suicide as a public health issue, as its impact is most often felt on a community level. Studies suggest that for every suicide committed, at least 6 people are directly impacted, and more than that indirectly (National Center for Health Statistics, 2006). Suicide is also the second leading cause of death among college students in the U.S., the third leading cause of death for young people between the ages of 15-24, and the 11^th cause of death overall (National Center for Health Statistics, 2006). In 2006, there were 33,000 suicides in the U.S., which averages out to about one suicide every 16 minutes. Add to those statistics the fact that untreated depression is considered one of the leading contributing causes of suicide. In many cases, with the ability to identify the risk factors and with the proper intervention, suicide can be prevented.

There are a number of warning signs that may be indicators of distress and present an opportunity to reach out and offer help:

Expressed hopelessness: Hopelessness is one of the key predictors of suicidality. A sense of hopelessness indicates that a person is unable to see past this particular point, and feels that they no longer have options.

Untreated depressive symptoms: Depressed mood, lack of motivation, low self-esteem, decreased pleasure in once enjoyable activities, and feelings of worthlessness are all symptoms of depression.

Increased alcohol and/or substance use: An increase in the use of substances suggests that someone is having increased difficulty in coping with their current challenges and experiences.

Increased isolation and/or withdrawal: An individual may begin to pull back from friends and/or loved ones. This increase in isolation will often contribute to the perception and sense of hopelessness.

Increase in impulsive behaviors: Feeling and behaving as if they have “nothing to lose” may be an indicator of suicidal ideation.

There are ways in which you can offer assistance to someone who you are concerned may be considering suicide:

Don’t be afraid to ask the question: If you are concerned that someone may be considering suicide, it is okay to ask the question directly. If you aren’t comfortable asking the question, share your concerns with someone who may be more comfortable with asking it. Asking the question will often bring relief to an individual who may be contemplating suicide and open up communication. The goal is to instill hope, which helps prevent suicide.

Listen: Take the time to listen more than talk. Make sure that when you ask the question, you have the time to sit and listen non-judgmentally. Express your concerns and convey realistic hope that the problem can be solved, with the goal of encouraging them to seek support.

Don’t keep it a secret: If someone shares with you that they are considering suicide, share it with someone who can get them help or get them to help—a parent, a teacher, a counselor.

Here are two websites to check out for more information:

International Association for Suicide Prevention

National Vital Statistics Reports on the National Center for Health Statistics

Suicide prevention is a community concern. Education, involvement, and the simple act of caring can instill hope and help to decrease this form of death.

Editor's Note: Dr. Nyaka Niilampti is a psychologist at Southeast Psych in Charlotte. She has a Ph.D. from Temple University, a master's in sports psychology from UNC-Chapel Hill, and a bachelor's degree from Princeton. Before coming to Southeast Psych, she has worked in university counseling centers, secondary schools, and community mental health centers.

How Can My Kid Succeed in School? Part Two

2009-09-07T07:54:00.000-04:00

by Craig Pohlman, Ph.D.

Editor's Note: The following is an excerpt from “How Can My Kid Succeed in School?” by internationally-recognized psychologist, Dr. Craig Pohlman, who has recently joined Southeast Psych and directs our Assessment Center.

How a kid goes about doing his homework can be very revealing. A lot of parents are dismayed when their child seems to just leap right into tasks without first contemplating the best course of action. Courtney, a sixth grader, fits this bill. Her mother describes her as a “bull in a china shop” when it comes to homework (and incidentally, most other times when a methodical approach is called for as well). When Courtney gets to a math word problem she seems to start scribbling calculations before she even finishes reading it. Sometimes she answers almost all of questions in social studies assignments before realizing that the directions wanted her to do something else. But above all, writing is a disaster. The notion of starting with an outline is totally alien to Courtney, who would much rather just get to writing; as a result, many of her great ideas never make it to the page or get hidden in a disorganized stream of sentences.

Courtney has a weakness in an aspect of her attention called production control, which is like the brain’s dashboard; her mind doesn’t have a reliable speedometer, meaning that she jumps into tasks too quickly, without first coming up with good plans. Dashboards also provide many signals to let you know how well things are working (such as a low fuel light and a door ajar signal), but Courtney’s production control doesn’t monitor her work very effectively. Her mother gets exasperated by all of the “careless” mistakes she makes in her homework. For example, she might miscalculate in math or misspell a word, but when prompted to take a second look, she readily finds these kinds of errors and fixes them.

Tate is a fourth grader and his dad says that homework “takes forever to get done.” The reason? Tate is very susceptible to distractions and daydreaming due to his attention processing control. His dad frequently reels him back in with little reminders like, “stick with it, Tate” or “come on back, dude!” Getting homework done in a reasonable amount of time usually requires staying focused on the task at hand.

Everyone, including adults, experiences difficulty with concentration from time to time. Even if you’re working in a place with few distracting sights and sounds, your thoughts may wander like Tate’s. For some people, processing control does not do a sufficient job of resisting “mind trips” and avoiding distractions. If given a choice between finishing homework and spending time on recreational activities, most kids would choose the latter; but kids with weak processing control are pulled even more strongly than other kids toward fun stuff and away from work.

A kid can have a hard time staying on task for reasons other than weak attention, however. Active working memory is what we use to mentally juggle or manipulate information. Monika frequently gets lost in the middle of homework tasks. As a seventh grader, much of her work involves multiple steps (such as when solving a math problem) or numerous components that have to be attended to simultaneously (such as all the aspects of writing a book report). In other words, she has to handle a lot of moving parts and her parents see her losing track of a lot of them. So she may get lost in the middle of a math computation and complain that she is confused about what to do next.

Dr. Pohlman conducts and supervises learning assessments for Southeast Psych and is available to present on learning issues. Feel free to contact him at 704-552-0116 or speakersbureau@southeastpsych.com. His new book is due out on Sept. 28th.

How Can My Kid Succeed in School? Part One

2009-08-31T08:00:00.002-04:00

by Craig Pohlman, Ph.D.

Editor's Note: The following is an excerpt from “How Can My Kid Succeed in School?” by internationally-recognized psychologist, Dr. Craig Pohlman, who has recently joined Southeast Psych and directs our Assessment Center.

Brady is a 2nd grader who’s having a very hard time learning to read and spell. He’s great at art, enthusiastically listens to stories, and absorbs information he hears (he loves learning about reptiles). He is picking up math skills with no trouble and is a natural when collaborating with peers. Both adults and kids really enjoy being around him, but his reading troubles are starting to deflate him. In 1st grade he dashed out the door every morning to get to school. Now he asks if he has to go, and longs for weekends and vacations.

Cetera is Brady’s classmate, and she also struggles with reading and spelling. Though not quite as social as Brady, she belongs to a very close threesome of friends. She loves sports, especially soccer and basketball. Cetera also is starting to have some trouble with math. Like Brady, she picks up information very nicely when listening, though sometimes she has a hard time making connections with her prior knowledge. Lately, she’s been complaining to her mother about how hard school is for her.

How can Brady and Cetera’s learning problems be conquered? How can their parents and teachers get them to enjoy school again? Figuring out what is causing their reading challenges is the first step. The good news is that their parents and teachers can gather lots of information, analyze it, and then select targeted learning strategies. But they have to know what to look for and how to make sense of what they find.

Like all students, Brady and Cetera leave plenty of clues about their learning. For example, Brady has a hard time coming up with rhyming words. When he reads aloud he drops out word sounds (like reading “block” as “bok”) and inserts letters that shouldn’t be there when he spells (like spelling “candy” as “canku”). Cetera struggles with memory for several types of information, like math facts and prior knowledge.

Brady’s clues add up to the conclusion that word sounds are very confusing to him. He doesn’t clearly process small sounds like /f/ in “leaf,” which means he has a hard time connecting sounds with letters (like /f/ with “f” or “ph” or even “gh”, as in “cough”). In contrast, Cetera processes small word sounds just fine (for instance, she can rhyme and move sounds around to change words). As it turns out, she has a hard time remembering which sounds go with which letters.

By the way, both Brady and Cetera probably would meet criteria for a learning disability (or, more specifically, a reading disability or dyslexia). But labeling them wouldn’t do much good. That would be akin to claiming that a child with stomach pain has something like Abdomen Soreness Disorder- a label that is pretty useless when it comes to a treatment. Labels tend to oversimplify students by not capturing unique characteristics, like the differences between Brady and Cetera. Also, labels don’t convey strengths and interests, like Brady’s affinity for reptiles or Cetera’s listening comprehension.

Brady and Cetera are experiencing unique challenges. Understanding the specifics of those challenges helps identify what they need in order to be more successful readers. For Brady, the key is to bolster his capacity to process word sounds. Cetera, on the other hand, needs drill in matching sounds to letters in order to solidify this information in her memory banks. By working in these specific areas, they can make strides in their reading and feel successful again.

Dr. Pohlman conducts and supervises learning assessments for Southeast Psych and is available to present on learning issues. Feel free to contact him at 704-552-0116 or speakersbureau@southeastpsych.com. His new book is due out on Sept. 28th.

Southeast Psych Rated Excellent By Most Clients

2009-08-26T08:08:00.002-04:00

Southeast Psych just completed our client satisfaction surveys and the results were amazing. During a ten-day period in August, we randomly surveyed over 100 of our current clients (N=122) and asked them what they thought about their experience at Southeast Psych. We asked about everything from the check-in and check-out experience to the waiting area. We asked about their therapist’s empathy, skill, and helpfulness, and we asked about their overall experience at Southeast Psych, rating each component of our service as either poor, fair, good, or excellent. All the surveys were completed anonymously and put into a box in the waiting area. Participation in the survey was completely voluntary.

Across the board, the results were remarkable. The average rating for “Overall experience at Southeast Psych” was 3.9 out of a possible 4.0. Our therapists were uniformly rated as “Excellent” by a clear majority of our clients and they also told us we excelled in every single category we surveyed.

Even though the survey did not ask for additional comments, we still got many encouraging words written across the bottom. One client wrote, “Thank you all for the best therapy experience I’ve ever had.” Another wrote, “I can’t think of a thing I would change.” Still another wrote, “You have all been such big help and a blessing to our whole family. Thank you.”

We still want to keep getting better, but it’s feedback like this that lets us know we are creating a special experience for our clients. We have great staff and great therapists, and we think our clients are some of the best people anywhere. Thanks for the feedback!

How Parents Can Help a Teen Through a Loss

2009-08-19T07:08:00.001-04:00

by Nyaka Niilampti

Many young people have had limited experiences with death. Typically it comes in the form of the loss of a grandparent or an older family member. Less frequently, it comes in the form of the loss of a peer, which often results in complicated emotions for both teens and their parents.

The loss of a friend, classmate, or peer can result in a loss of the sense of safety for young people. Despite what we know about the stages of grieving, the processing of grief is a highly individual experience, and each child or teen will deal with it in his or her own way.

There are a number of common reactions to loss including sadness, panic and anxiety, a fear of death, denial, guilt, shame, anger, poor concentration and confusion. There are also a number of ways parents can offer assistance following a loss. Here are a few suggestions for how parents can help:

Be available. It is common to be uncomfortable talking about death or loss. Even with that discomfort, make sure that your child is aware that you will be open to that conversation. Letting them know that you are available for questions, conversations, or simply silence will be encouraging. Some children will need to process their grief by talking, while others process their grief differently. Send a note, or write a card, both right after the event as well as after some time has passed to let them know the option is still open. Communicating your availability will help them be more comfortable approaching you when that time comes.

Encourage them to communicate with their friends. Some adolescents may be uncomfortable reaching out to adults. Communication with peers and friends may provide an additional and necessary support, particularly those in the same community and teens may be more able to share their emotions with peers than with adults.

Listen. Allow them to tell their stories, including their favorite memories of that person. Use open questions or prompt them with, “Tell me about…” Ask what they would like to remember most about the person they have lost.

Create a ritual. A memorial service is an important ritual that helps families and individuals grieve a loss. There can be other, less formal rituals that help young people grieve the loss. Encourage and allow them to participate in rituals or find their own way to say goodbye. This may include doing something individually or with a group.

Be supportive and patient. Don’t try to “fix” the situation or offer reassurance that this will not happen again. Talk openly and honestly with them, then validate their experience. Encourage them to share their feelings, but don’t push them. If you have had similar experiences, share those; however, keep in mind that even with similar experiences, it is impossible to know exactly how they may feel. Let them know there is no “right way” to grieve the loss, and that the difficulty they may be experiencing is normal. Encourage them to be patient with themselves and to take time to heal.

Keep an eye out for drastic changes. Significant changes in behavior patterns, eating, or sleeping, may be indicators that they are not coping well with the loss, and may be in need of additional support.

Encourage self care. While it may seem simple, encourage them to do the necessary daily tasks and activities. Eating and sleeping on as much of a “normal” schedule as possible will help them feel more secure.

With time and support, most children and teens will cope with and process the death of a classmate or peer and resume their regular activities. However, be open to the possibility that your child may need additional support to help them process this loss. If you notice they are not able to cope with their daily activities, isolating themselves from friends and family, or other significant noticeable changes, suggest that they speak with a professional as a means of gaining additional support.

Editor's Note: Nyaka Niilampti is a psychologist at Southeast Psych in Charlotte. She has a Ph.D. from Temple University, a master's in sports psychology from UNC-Chapel Hill, and a bachelor's degree from Princeton. Before coming to Southeast Psych, she has worked in university counseling centers, secondary schools, and community mental health centers.

The Truth (So Far) About Facebook

2009-08-17T08:03:00.001-04:00

There are lots of opinions out there about whether Facebook is good or bad for things like relationships, grades, and productivity. Since there isn't a ton of good research yet, we don't know all the answers, but the results are mixed. Here's what the studies say so far:

* Facebook usage contributes to jealousy in relationships. When young adults spend more time on Facebook, they tend to get more jealous in their romantic relationships. The more jealous they get, the more time they spend searching for other information about their partner that fuels their jealousy and puts them into a negative cycle.

* Facebook users tend to be more willing to engage in face-to-face interactions and relationships rather than less, which challenges the notion that Facebook and similar online social networking sites cause people to be less social in their real-world interactions.

* There is no strong evidence that Facebook use negatively affects academic achievement in high school and college students. A pilot study had suggested this, but bigger studies have shown no negative impact on grades for the vast majority of students.

* There is evidence that a person's level of narcissism can be predicted by their Facebook profiles. Those who were more narcissistic tend to have more glamourous, self-promoting profile pictures and far more social contacts or "friends" than those who were less narcissistic. There is no evidence that Facebook users as a whole were more narcissistic than average, however.

* Facebook has become part of the "social glue" that helps incoming freshman settle into college and build campus relationships. It may also decrease the likelihood they will drop courses in their first year.

That's what we know--or think we know--about Facebook and similar sites so far. We'll keep you posted as new research emerges.

Sources:

Sheldon, P. (2008). The relationship between unwillingness-to-communicate and students Facebook use. Journal of Media Psychology: Theories, Methods, and Applications, 20, 67-75.

Mary Ann Liebert, Inc./Genetic Engineering News (2009, August 7). Does Facebook Usage Contribute To Jealousy In Relationships? ScienceDaily. Retrieved August 16, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/08/090806112558.htm

Ohio State University (2009, April 14). Facebook Use Linked To Lower Grades In College. ScienceDaily. Retrieved August 16, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/04/090413180538.htm

Northwestern University (2009, May 8). Facebook Use Not Found To Correlate Negatively With College Grades, New Study Shows. ScienceDaily. Retrieved August 16, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090507164403.htm

University of Georgia (2008, September 23). Facebook Profiles Can Be Used To Detect Narcissism. ScienceDaily. Retrieved August 16, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/09/080922135231.htm

University of Leicester (2008, October 14). Facebook Is 'Social Glue' For University Freshmen. ScienceDaily. Retrieved August 16, 2009, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/10/081014111056.htm

Preparing Your Freshman for College

2009-08-03T08:00:00.002-04:00

by Nyaka Niilampti

All over the country, families are planning their last of the summer vacations; back to school ads will soon bombard your Sunday paper. For most kids—and parents—the return of the school year presents both excitement and new challenges. For those who will be sending students off to college for the first time, emotions may be mixed.

The first year of college presents a number of new opportunities, and with new experiences come new challenges, new fears, and new anxieties. Regardless of which party states that they will feel the greatest relief when cars are unpacked and the goodbye hugs, waves (and for some, tears) ensue, both parties will feel some appropriate degree of anxiety.

There are a number of ways parents can be more proactive in helping psychologically prepare their child for college and aid in the transition and adjustment.

1. Communicate your concerns. Have a conversation about some of the things that you are concerned they will encounter. While the communication should not be with the motivation to inspire fear, don’t be naïve. College will entail both positive and negative experiences. Communication should include concerns about drug and alcohol use, sexual relationships, encountering diversity, and moral challenges. Beginning a conversation with your student about some of these concerns will hopefully open up a dialogue that will prepare them as well as present the opportunity for parents to have some of their fears reduced.

2. Encourage them to be prepared to ask for help. Even the most well adjusted and adaptable student will be thrown for a loop at some point during their first few months, whether with a roommate, in the classroom, or outside of campus. Many of the students who enter college were the stars and highest achievers in high school, and may not have had significant experiences with needing help. With your encouragement, they can learn that asking for assistance is an indicator of growth and maturity, not a sign of weakness.

3. Encourage them to ask for help early. Many students defeat themselves by asking for help when it’s too late, or when they are past the point of more minor intervention and are in “crises mode”. Instructors will be more open if they are approached a month before a major exam or assignment is due; tutoring is more helpful the earlier in the semester you begin; counseling can help you learn to balance before you become so overwhelmed that you begin to skip classes or isolate yourself.

4. Encourage them to use the resources. College is one of the only times that students will have access to so many free (well, included in their tuition payment, room and board) services. Most university campuses have counseling centers, where students have access to free—or mostly free—individual and/or group therapy. There is also the learning and writing center, career services, and disability services. Students can receive tutoring, have papers edited, learn to correctly use APA style, have their resumes critiqued, perfect their interview skills, and gain support for a previous diagnosis such as ADHD or a learning disability.

5. Encourage them to advocate for themselves—don’t do it for them. Two of the developmental tasks of college students are achieving competence and becoming autonomous. Help your college student develop these skills by making suggestions or offering possible strategies. Encourage them to meet with their advisors or professors or to seek out support services themselves before calling the Counseling Center or the Dean of the department for them.

6. Encourage them to become involved—but not too involved. Higher education research shows that social integration contributes to retention. Most institutions have hundreds of campus organizations, including volunteer opportunities. Encourage them to find a group that appeals to them to become involved, but also encourage them to pace themselves. There are always opportunities for involvement, and without a good balance, it’s possible to spend so much time with organizations and involvement that academics are neglected.

7. Encourage them to be open—to new experiences, new groups, new ideas. College is about growing, and what they enjoy in college may be different from activities and peers from high school. There will be opportunities available on a college campus that you may have never thought to become involved in, which go beyond athletics or the traditional sorority or fraternity. Encourage them to find a new activity that they may be even slightly interested in and attend one meeting; they may find that they enjoy it more than they thought or it may not be a good fit. If nothing else, they have been exposed to something new, and may meet new people in the process.

The transition to college can be both exciting and daunting. Be prepared to offer support and encouragement as they make the adjustment. Even though they attended orientation and grabbed almost all of the “important” information, more than likely they have not read much—or any—of it and will need your guidance in pointing them in the right direction.

Editor's Note: Nyaka Niilampti is a psychologist at Southeast Psych in Charlotte. She has a Ph.D. from Temple University, a master's in sports psychology from UNC-Chapel Hill, and a bachelor's degree from Princeton. Before coming to Southeast Psych, she has worked in university counseling centers, secondary schools, and community mental health centers.

Ten Traits of Great Parents

2009-07-27T08:00:00.001-04:00

by Dave Verhaagen

In writing my book, Parenting the Millennial Generation, I interviewed excellent parents to find out what separated them from the rest. Some of what I found was expected, but some of it surprised me. Here’s what I found about the really great parents:

1. They Have Vision for Their Child’s Character – they think about the character traits they value—things like honesty or compassion or courage—and they work to instill these qualities in their child.

2. They Parent Each Child Uniquely — they don’t use a one size fits all approach to parenting. They realize that each child has a unique temperament with unique needs and they parent each child accordingly. They don’t follow cookie cutter steps or rigid formulas.

3. They Don’t Parent for an Audience — they don’t make parenting decisions based on what the neighbors—or their parents or other family members—will think, but on what is best for their child.

4. They Trust Their Instincts — they realize that parenting requires making good decisions based on their gut rather than always needing expert or outside opinions.

5. They Have a Warm & Firm Style — they have the great ability to be warmly involved with their children while still keeping good limits and boundaries.

6. They Co-Parent Well — they communicate, collaborate, and share the same parenting values as their spouse or parenting partner.

7. They Keep Short Accounts — they don’t hold grudges or stay resentful with their children. They do their best to deal with a situation and then let it go without holding it over their child’s head.

8. They Think Win-Win — they try to work out solutions to conflicts with their child where everybody wins, especially with older teens who need practice in making their own decisions.

9. They Have Family Rituals and Traditions — they have daily, weekly, and annual rituals and traditions that give the family a sense of stability, predictability, and safety.

10. They Enjoy Their Kids — they work hard to have fun with their children and enjoy their time with them, even when the kids are driving them crazy!

Spock Has Asperger's

2009-07-20T08:02:00.001-04:00

Editor's Note: An earlier version of this post by Dr. Frank Gaskill appeared on this blog. It was so popular we had to bring it back for an encore, especially as J.J. Abrams reboot of the Star Trek series has been one of the biggest and best films of the summer season.

by Frank Gaskill

Kirk: Well, Mr. Spock, if we can't disguise you, we'll find some way of explaining you.

Spock: That should prove interesting.

Spock is high on logic, struggles with a limited understanding of social interaction, wears the same blue shirt, and has a highly specialized job as Science Officer on the Enterprise. Many speak of Asperger’s as a disorder, but without it, we would probably not understand gravity (Sir Isaac Newton), have some of our most vivid movie experiences (Tim Burton), or even have the postal service (Benjamin Franklin), just to name a few ways these folks have enhanced our lives. Individuals with Asperger's have already made the world a better place.

While my comments are purely speculative, I think it possible that Asperger’s is our next forward leap in evolution with Spock being the end result. Many of my Aspie clients are capable of things I could never achieve. These amazing kids include a computer graphics animator (age 13), an accomplished concert pianist (age 12), and a state chess champion (age 10). My adult Aspie friends are satellite programmers, physicians, and computer programmers.

With the advent of technology and specialized sciences since the industrial revolution, these gifted and interesting individuals have advanced our society in profound ways. In the past they may have been termed nerds, geeks, or even retarded, but they are increasingly the drivers of our technological future. While highly speculative, you might consider Bill Gates’ role in our lives.

We often seek a name or label for what’s wrong with someone. With the concept of neuro-diversity in mind, I urge us to consider what’s “right” with people first and build toward their strengths rather than focusing on their defects or shortcomings. I think we ought to be elevating and praising some of our "Spocks" rather than disguising or labeling them as disordered. My guess is that it would make the world an even better place.

From Star Trek: The Voyage Home

Gillian: Are you sure you won't change your mind?

Spock: Is there something wrong with the one I have?

Parents and Your Child's Academic Success

2009-07-13T08:01:00.001-04:00

Most parents want to help their child be successful in school. However, as a child ages and changes, the ways you help may also change.

During elementary school, a healthy parent-teacher relationship is essential to keep up with how your child is doing academically. Helping with homework and being supportive of their school work on a daily basis is also vital during this period of time.

However, this dynamic changes once a child reaches middle school. Now, kids now have multiple teachers, their interests are evolving, and most notably, they are going through puberty. Obviously, children in puberty undergo massive physical and mental changes becoming more adult-like, but not yet fully mature.

So what's a parents role in helping a middle schooler or high schooler be successful in school? A recent study conducted by Nancy E. Hill PhD, of Harvard University, assessed different styles of parental involvement with middle school children and their academic drive. According to Hill, during the middle school years, “Teens are starting to internalize goals, beliefs, and motivations and [they] use these to make decision. Although they may want to make their own decisions, they need guidance from parents to help provide the link between school and their aspirations for future work.” In other words, young teenagers need to do most of it themselves, but they still need help making the connection between hard work in school and a future payoff.

It is this emphasis on academic achievement and how it relates to potential life goals that seems to have the greatest influence on these maturing students. For many, friends become a higher priority, diminishing one’s focus on homework. From an early adolescent’s perspective, parental involvement in academics can be more or less embarrassing or annoying.

So, as a parent, you may need to be less involved in the your child's day-to-day school performance, but you still have an important role in helping him or her see the important relationship between future aspirations and academic success. If you do it the right way, without being or overbearing, your child is likely to internalize this connection and establish a drive to do well in school.

By: Emma Kate Wright and Mara Ivey

APA Press Release. May 19, 2009. “Tying Education to Future Goals May Boost Grades More Than Helping with Homework, Research Finds.” www.apa.org/releases/eduction-goals.html

Finding Happiness in a Bad Economy

2009-07-08T02:00:00.000-04:00

June 21st marked the largest meeting of positive psychologists in history; around 1,500 of these thinkers met in Philadelphia to discuss what can bring happiness into people’s lives in the midst of so many finding themselves unemployed. Often in American culture, people tend to group happiness with professional success and monetary gain. At a time when so many Americans find themselves with little to no income, many are asking themselves whether it is possible to be happy while having less.

Psychologist Ed Diener, thinks so. At a recent meeting of 1500 psychologists in Philadelphia, he stated that, “Many who try to live on less money find they are soon just as happy as they were before.” While it seems that those who struggle daily to make ends meet do report a lower level of happiness, monetary gain has a minimal effect on one’s mood in the long run.

Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, reports that involvement in various activities, finding one’s purpose in life, and maintaining strong relationships are the key ingredients to happiness. While work is an important factor, the level of one’s income does not play as big a role as people tend to assume when considering an individual’s overall wellbeing.

This theory has been dubbed the “vitamin theory of work.” It states that “work provides structure and emotional experiences such as exercising control, socializing, and helping others, that make people feel better about their lives. The amount they are paid is not a key factor.” A few key activities may help you remain happy through times the economic downturns. Put your focus on these three areas:

• Prioritize relationships. Spend extra time with family and/or strengthen existing relationships. Rekindle old friendships. Visit elderly relatives. Relationships have a much higher influence on happiness than monetary income.

• Pick a goal and stick to it. Taking initiative, staying focused on a goal, and reaching success after hard work all bring a feeling of accomplishment which leads to a greater sense of well-being.

• Create fun. Partake in any other activities that have always been enjoyable. It can be reading a book, playing an old favorite board game, going on a run, renting a movie; there are countless fun activities that can be done while paying little to no money.

Financial struggles are a common part of the life cycle. During those times, it is perfectly natural to become unhappy and frustrated. Finding strength in friends and family, while taking time for yourself will help you endure the hard times. Lifestyle changes may be permanent, even when the gloom that comes with economic troubles passes.

(Source: The Philadelphia Inquirer – June 21, 2009 “Psychologist converge on Phila. to study happiness”)

Written by: Mara Ivey, Matthew Laxer, and Emma Kate Wright

Does My Child or Teenager Need Therapy?

2009-06-22T08:08:00.001-04:00

For parents, it’s often tough to know when your child needs outside help. There are so many questions: Is it just a phase? Is it normal for his or her age? Am I overreacting? Children and teens can have emotional, academic, or behavioral problems of all kinds and the research says that many people who need help never receive it. It will always be a judgment call, but here are four guidelines to help you know if you should seek counseling for your child or teenager:

1. The problem negatively affects your child’s functioning in school, home, or the community.

2. The problem is causing you or your child significant distress.

3. The problem has not gone away with other efforts, such as changes in parenting strategies, consequences, etc.

4. If the problem does not improve, there is the potential that it could cause negative effects now or later in life, such as academic failure, relationship problems, addiction, and so on.

Also, it’s usually wise to listen to your child if he or she requests outside help. If you read these guidelines and you are still not sure, it may be a good idea to schedule a one-time consultation with a therapist to see if counseling might be indicated. In a later post, we’ll give some guidelines for selecting a good therapist for your child.

Big Smilers Stay Married More Often

2009-06-15T08:02:00.000-04:00

Researchers from DePaw University found that how much people smile in old yearbook photographs predicts how likely they are to stay married. The first study looked at old college yearbook photos and rated smile intensity from 1-10. The scoring was based on the strength of the muscles that pull up on the mouth and that create wrinkles around the eyes.

The researchers found that none of the people in the top 10 of smile strength had divorced, while 4 in 10 of those in the bottom 10% of smile strength had a marriage that ended.

They did a second study where they asked people over the age of 65 to show pictures from their childhood. The average age in the pictures was 10 years old. Again, the researchers found that only 11% of the biggest smilers had divorced, while 31% of the frowners had ended at least one marriage.

Why would this be? Matthew Hertenstein, a psychologist who led the study proposes several possible explanations:

• It could be that smiling represents a “positive disposition towards life.”

• Perhaps smiling people attract other happy people and two happier people are more likely to have a long-lasting marriage.

• Maybe people who smile more often attract more friends and a larger support network that makes it more likely they will keep a marriage healthier.

• Or maybe it’s just that people who smile for a picture when they are told to say “cheese” have more compliant personalities that might make marriage easier.

Whatever the reason, if you are planning to get married, you might want to see some old childhood photos before you buy the ring!

Keep Your Minds Sharp This Summer And Still Have Fun

2009-06-08T07:55:00.000-04:00

Summertime is a fun time of the year, always full of family vacations, visits to the pool, and barbeques, but the fun-packed season makes it easy to neglect important mental activity, which is crucial for children in order to maintain the school year’s learning.

According to a recent article appearing in the Miami Herald, research has shown that when there is no academic continuation, children tend to lose an average of 2.6 months of recently learned mathematical knowledge and even one year’s worth of reading skill.

This potential loss of academic knowledge does not mean that children must hit the text books all summer simply to maintain all the information they learned in the previous year. Author Debbie Mandel notes that learning over the summer needs to be fun as well as educational: “Children need to have fun over the summer and relax because they are overscheduled and face a great deal of academic, social and extracurricular pressure,” she told the Herald.

So what are some good ways to exercise your child’s mind over the summer without causing unnecessary stress? Researchers suggest a few teaching opportunities that can encourage summer learning in fun and creative ways:

• Teach your child how to bake cookies, while illustrating how to make the proper measurements of ingredients.

• Encourage your child to help plan a family trip - Allow him or her to estimate the mileage of the journey or outline a map of the cities your family might drive through or flying over.

• Allow your child to pick out a fun book to read, in addition to assigned summer readings.

• Your family can visit museums, zoos, aquariums, etc. to learn about history and nature.

• If your child enjoys baseball, encourage him or her to record the statistics of a team. This can include calculating ERA and RBI percentages.

• For younger children, buy beads for them to make a necklace or a key chain with. This activity encourages counting and pattern-making skills.

You can make the summer fun and interesting for your children, while still helping them keep their minds sharp. So bake some cookies, plan a trip, visit the zoo, or buy some beads--and have a great time.

Written by: Emma Kate Wright, Matthew Laxer, and Mara Ivey

(Source: The Miami Herald – May 23, 2009 “Combine fun, learning to keep kids’ minds active during summer”)

Top Ten Warning Signs of Teen Drug Abuse

2009-06-01T08:03:00.001-04:00

Some parents are shocked to learn that their teen is using drugs. Short of catching them using, there is no guaranteed way to know, but here are some signs that often point to drug abuse:

1. Hanging out with sketchy friends - especially friends who have a reputation for being drug users. It's hard to be close friends with drug users and not use yourself.

2. Paraphernalia - it would be rare to find paraphernalia (pipe, bong, rolling papers, scales, etc.) without any personal drug use.

3. Fascination with drugs - online searches, conversation, excessive interest in drug-themed movies all are often associated with personal use..

4. Declines in school performance and general motivation - especially when the drop in grades is not characteristic of past performance; especially true when it can't be explained by some other reason.

5. Physical signs - red eyes, physical disorientation, smelling like smoke or unusual odors.

6. Attempts to cover tracks - Visine, Niacin, drinking excessive amounts of water, locked boxes and compartments, and so on.

7. Secretiveness and dishonesty - not being forthcoming about where they were, who they were with; outright lying when asked direct questions, especially about where they were, who they were with, what they were doing.

8. Funny money - having unexplained cash, going through cash quicker than expected, family members missing cash, etc.

9. Mood swings - more than normal adolescent mood changes.

10. Weird sleep - sleeping too much, up all night, especially if it is a different pattern than in the past.

Even though these are some of the top indicators, it is still possible for your teen to be using substances without showing many of these signs. On the other hand, just because he or she may be showing some of these symptoms, it doesn't mean your child is definitely using drugs. If you are not sure, it may be a good idea to seek some consultation.

A Revitalized Southeast Psych Blog

2009-05-26T08:00:00.001-04:00

This has been a year of exciting growth for us at Southeast Psych. Not only do we have great clients and an amazing staff, but we keep moving forward in innovative and refreshing ways.

First, we shortened our official name from Southeast Psychological Services to Southeast Psych, since this was how people referred to us anyway and we liked the less formal name. With the name change came a change of logo, a simple black and white design that captures the feel of the superhero theme in our office.

We also just opened our second location, a beautiful seven office suite in the vibrant, booming Blakeney area, just across from the shopping center and down the road from Ardrey Kell High School. One of our clients said during our opening week, "This doesn't feel like a doctor's office. It feels like a coffee shop." That's exactly what we were going for with the decor and tone. Jonathan Feather, along with Heidi Limbrunner, did an amazing job designing the look and feel, then executing the opening in a flawless way.

To open that second office, we hired some excellent new therapists for both Southpark and Blakeney. We now boast one of the most impressive rosters of clinicians anywhere with therapists from Princeton, Yale, UNC-Chapel Hill, UVA, and other fine schools. By this year, our staff will have published eight books, countless articles, and have been quoted in national magazines and newspapers around the country. And if we ever start a Southeast Psych softball team, the other teams better look out because we've got former collegiate athletes, an Olympic athlete, and a former professional football player hidden among our staff.

Finally, we are in the process of re-visioning our online presence, including our website and this blog. We have gotten such good feedback on our YouTube videos that we will keep producing those from time to time. Those are just for fun, but we also want to use our online presence to do some good. Our mission is to put psychology into the hands of as many people as possible to enhance their lives. To do that, we want to give away as much psychology as we can in as many ways as we can. This blog is one step toward that goal, so you should be seeing posts that are interesting, but also many that offer practical information that you can use in your life and in your relationships. We hope to make it easy to digest, so you will be seeing top ten lists and other posts with concise bullet points of information. Keep coming back to check us out and expect some surprises with our website in the coming year.