The Problem of Perfectionism: Part 2

by Nyaka Niilampti, Ph.D.

Last week, I talked about the problem of perfectionism and this week, I want to give you some practical tools for overcoming it.  There are a number of ways to begin to break the cycle of perfectionism:

· Knowing is half the battle: If you find yourself identifying with some of these symptoms, that’s the first step. Awareness is necessary in order to begin to change.

· Stop worrying and start doing: Many times, it is taking that first small step that seems to be an insurmountable task. Usually, once a task is started, much of the anxiety and worry decreases.

· Start small: Break the task into “bite size” pieces. This will actually help you to “stop worrying and start doing”, and makes the task as a whole more manageable and less overwhelming. If your challenge is beginning, convince yourself to sit down for 20 minutes rather than the entire three hours that the task will take to complete.

· Encourage acceptance of limitations, performance, and mistakes: Perfection is an impossible goal. There will always be areas of possible improvement, and there will be days when “good enough” is often “more than okay”.

· Be mindful of the conversations in your head: Our self-talk contributes to anxiety and depression and the internal drive for perfection more than we often realize. If the discussions in your head suggest that your entire self-worth (or my future, etc.) is based on how well you complete a task, your internal dialogue needs to be adjusted.

· Ask yourself, “Is it worth this amount of effort?”: Put your tasks into perspective. Is the paper that may be worth 10% of my grade really worth the significant number of hours I have already put into it? The effort put out should match the significance of the task at hand.

· Increase mindfulness: Finally, there is a great deal of talk about the benefits of mindfulness. Mindfulness allows us to be present and in the moment, less worried about yesterday (and the mistakes of the past) and tomorrow (and the fears about what may or may not happen). Being mindful will allow you to focus on the process rather than the outcome. Increasing mindfulness will help you begin, accept your limitations, and enjoy the process.

Perfectionism at it’s best may help you get the job done…eventually…but at it’s worst can contribute to depression, anxiety, and failure, and make the process of completing even a simple task much more difficult than it needs to be.

Dr. Nyaka Niilampti is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in performance enhancement, as well as the treatment of anxiety and depression in teens and adults.

The Problem of Perfectionism: Part 1

by Nyaka Niilampti, Ph.D.

Today’s society continues to demand increasingly high standards in virtually every arena. Unfortunately, we often interpret “achieving excellence” as “it must be perfect”. While maintaining a high standard is important, when it becomes confused with perfectionism it actually fails to lead to the desired consequences of success. The idea of achieving perfection is a goal that is impossible to meet, and the more we demand perfection from ourselves, the more the “finish line” moves, and the more overwhelming the task becomes.

It can be difficult to find the line between ‘perfectionism’ and ‘excellence’, and healthy motivation and striving. Burns (1980) defines a perfectionist as someone “whose standards are beyond reach or reason”, and “who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment”. For perfectionists, thoughts and behaviors may be maintained by a number of factors, including fear of failure, inadequacy, or fear of disapproval and disappointing others. One way of locating that line is by asking yourself: (1) Is my goal attainable? (2) Are my beliefs in my ability to do this accurate? (3) Am I able to adjust my standards when necessary?

Perfectionism may look different in different individuals. For some, it is the attitude that “I’ll do it by myself…because no one will be able to do it as well as I can”. Other individuals may not take risks or try new things because they may not be good at it, while others become chronic procrastinators. Perfectionism may also look like overcompensating, excessive checking and seeking reassurance from others, difficulties making decisions, and avoidance of some activities and situations all together. The struggle to be perfect makes it difficult to recover from mistakes, and often leads to social and performance anxiety, depression, anger, and/or low motivation. It can also contribute to body image problems and eating disorders. 

Next week, I'll give you seven ways to break the cycle of perfectionism.

Dr. Nyaka Niilampti is a licensed psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in performance enhancement, as well as the treatment of anxiety and depression in teens and adults.