Helping Your Teen Through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

by Dr. Amanda McGough

Many of us know, or remember from our own teen years, that being a teenager isn’t easy.  Developmentally, adolescence is a time of growing independence, developing a sense of self, learning to navigate social relationships, and increasing responsibility.  On top of these developmental tasks, teens face pressures from school, peers and family responsibilities.  Teens can be under a significant amount of stress and that requires them to find ways to cope.  

Some teens may lack adequate coping skills, which leads to trying to cope with their stress in unhealthy, even harmful ways.  For example, they may have difficulties with self-injurious and life-threatening behaviors, suicidal ideation, poor impulse control, running away, stealing, lying, low frustration tolerance, interpersonal conflict, poor sense of self, high-risk sexualized behaviors, disordered eating, and substance abuse.  

However, the problems that teens face can be successfully navigated if they have healthy coping skills and support from caring adults.  Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a form of therapy that has been widely researched for approximately 30 years.  It has proven to be effective in helping teens to reduce risky behaviors, manage emotions more effectively, create a more balanced life, and improve the overall quality of life.

What coping skills can DBT teach your teen?  DBT focuses on skills in five main areas:

1)    Mindfulness: Learning how to be focused in the present moment, how to balance emotions with rational thought and how to do what is effective in the moment.

2)    Distress Tolerance: Developing skills to help teens cope with stress in healthy ways through distraction, self-soothing and looking at the pros versus cons of choices in each situation.

3)    Emotion Regulation: Helping teens better understand emotions, reduce the intensity of their emotions, and learn how to ride the wave of emotions without acting out on them.

4)    Interpersonal Effectiveness: Developing strong relationship skills, learning how to communicate and listen in a way that is respectful towards others and themselves, learning how to say no, how to deal with difficult people and how to repair relationships.

5)    Walking the Middle Path: Learning how to validate one’s self and others, how to find the kernel of truth in different points of view, create a more balanced way of thinking and living, and how to reinforce behaviors in both self and others.

Learning effective, healthy coping skills now can benefit teens in their present life and in the future.

Dr. Amanda McGough is a psychologist at Southeast Psych who specializes in using DBT.

Parents and Your Child's Academic Success

Most parents want to help their child be successful in school. However, as a child ages and changes, the ways you help may also change.

During elementary school, a healthy parent-teacher relationship is essential to keep up with how your child is doing academically. Helping with homework and being supportive of their school work on a daily basis is also vital during this period of time.

However, this dynamic changes once a child reaches middle school. Now, kids now have multiple teachers, their interests are evolving, and most notably, they are going through puberty. Obviously, children in puberty undergo massive physical and mental changes becoming more adult-like, but not yet fully mature.

So what's a parents role in helping a middle schooler or high schooler be successful in school? A recent study conducted by Nancy E. Hill PhD, of Harvard University, assessed different styles of parental involvement with middle school children and their academic drive. According to Hill, during the middle school years, “Teens are starting to internalize goals, beliefs, and motivations and [they] use these to make decision. Although they may want to make their own decisions, they need guidance from parents to help provide the link between school and their aspirations for future work.” In other words, young teenagers need to do most of it themselves, but they still need help making the connection between hard work in school and a future payoff.

It is this emphasis on academic achievement and how it relates to potential life goals that seems to have the greatest influence on these maturing students. For many, friends become a higher priority, diminishing one’s focus on homework. From an early adolescent’s perspective, parental involvement in academics can be more or less embarrassing or annoying.

So, as a parent, you may need to be less involved in the your child's day-to-day school performance, but you still have an important role in helping him or her see the important relationship between future aspirations and academic success. If you do it the right way, without being or overbearing, your child is likely to internalize this connection and establish a drive to do well in school.

By: Emma Kate Wright and Mara Ivey

APA Press Release. May 19, 2009. “Tying Education to Future Goals May Boost Grades More Than Helping with Homework, Research Finds.” www.apa.org/releases/eduction-goals.html

Does My Child or Teenager Need Therapy?

For parents, it’s often tough to know when your child needs outside help. There are so many questions: Is it just a phase? Is it normal for his or her age? Am I overreacting? Children and teens can have emotional, academic, or behavioral problems of all kinds and the research says that many people who need help never receive it. It will always be a judgment call, but here are four guidelines to help you know if you should seek counseling for your child or teenager:

1. The problem negatively affects your child’s functioning in school, home, or the community.

2. The problem is causing you or your child significant distress.

3. The problem has not gone away with other efforts, such as changes in parenting strategies, consequences, etc.

4. If the problem does not improve, there is the potential that it could cause negative effects now or later in life, such as academic failure, relationship problems, addiction, and so on.

Also, it’s usually wise to listen to your child if he or she requests outside help. If you read these guidelines and you are still not sure, it may be a good idea to schedule a one-time consultation with a therapist to see if counseling might be indicated. In a later post, we’ll give some guidelines for selecting a good therapist for your child.

Top Ten Warning Signs of Teen Drug Abuse

Some parents are shocked to learn that their teen is using drugs.  Short of catching them using, there is no guaranteed way to know, but here are some signs that often point to drug abuse:

1.  Hanging out with sketchy friends - especially friends who have a reputation for being drug users.  It's hard to be close friends with drug users and not use yourself.

2.  Paraphernalia - it would be rare to find paraphernalia (pipe, bong, rolling papers, scales, etc.) without any personal drug use.

3.  Fascination with drugs - online searches, conversation, excessive interest in drug-themed movies all are often associated with personal use..

4.  Declines in school performance and general motivation - especially when the drop in grades is not characteristic of past performance; especially true when it can't be explained by some other reason.

5.  Physical signs - red eyes, physical disorientation, smelling like smoke or unusual odors.

6.  Attempts to cover tracks - Visine, Niacin, drinking excessive amounts of water, locked boxes and compartments, and so on.

7.  Secretiveness and dishonesty - not being forthcoming about where they were, who they were with; outright lying when asked direct questions, especially about where they were, who they were with, what they were doing.

8.  Funny money - having unexplained cash, going through cash quicker than expected, family members missing cash, etc.

9.  Mood swings - more than normal adolescent mood changes.

10. Weird sleep - sleeping too much, up all night, especially if it is a different pattern than in the past.

Even though these are some of the top indicators, it is still possible for your teen to be using substances without showing many of these signs.  On the other hand, just because he or she may be showing some of these symptoms, it doesn't mean your child is definitely using drugs.  If you are not sure, it may be a good idea to seek some consultation.